चहा च्या आगळ्या वेगळ्या छटा

चहा जणू काही माझा जीव कि प्राण. सकाळी उठल्या उठल्या सगळ्यात आधी हातात हवा तो चहाचा कप. नसला तर जीव अगदी कासावीस होऊन जातो. भले माझी सकाळी उठण्याची वेळ  ६, ७, ८, ९, १० असो कि दुपारचे दीड-दोन असो. चहा शिवाय चैन पडणे अशक्यच. कधी कुणी "What's your poison?" असा प्रश्न चुकून जरी विचारला तर माझे उत्तर हमखास चहा असे असायचे. गैरसमज नको. मला चहा प्यायल्यावर चढत वगैरे नाही ;-) किंवा त्याची चटक हि नाही. दिवसाला २ कप हि पुरेसे असतात. 

स्वयंपाक घरात सगळ्यात पहिली गोष्ट करायला शिकले तो सुद्धा चहाच. चहाची तर्हा निराळीच. चव हि. आणि सगळ्यांची बनवण्याची व आस्वाद घेण्याची पद्धत हि. साहित्य, कृती, प्रकार, प्रमाण, ठिकाण, लाभ आणि त्याचे रसिक ह्या सगळ्यातच अगणित विविधता. लिहायला बसले तर अख्खा "ब्लोग" च चहा वर समर्पित करावा लागेल :D आणि खर सांगू तर ते काम करायला माझी हरकत हि नाही. वेळ नाहीये हीच एक खंत.

आज हि आजीने केलेल्या मसालेदार चहाची (आणि लज्जतदार जेवणाची) आठवण येते. मन अगदी प्रसन्न होते आणि मग लगेचच भरून हि येते :-)

काही महिन्यांपूर्वी संध्याकाळी मी कसला तरी विचार करत बसले होते. आणि हा फोटो सहज म्हणून काढला. आणि नेहमी प्रमाणे त्यावर "उगीच कोणीतरी" ने मजेशीर कविता रचली. तुम्हाला हि तितकीच रुचकर वाटेल हि आशा :-)

आयुष्याच्या रंगमंचावर
कितीतरी पडदे , कितीतरी रंग ...
काही चहा
सलमान खान च्या हालचालीसारखे
गडबडीने उकळत राहतात,
काही चहा ,
देवगण च्या रागासारखे
कडक लाल टक लाउन
आतल्या आत धुमसत असतात
तर काही चहा
कुणा काजोल वर चालणार्या सिनेमा सारखे
कुणा एका साहेबी चहा पत्ती मध्ये मुरत राहतात ...
काही चहा
इरफान खान सारखे
इंग्रजी किटली तूनच बाहेर कपात पडतात;
आणि
काही काही चहा तर
आल, पुदिना मसाल्याचे दागिने घालून,
एका मुलीच्या अभ्यासा साठी,
एका आईच्या मनातूनच बाहेर पडतात ...
पडदा उघडतो, वाफा काचा झाकावतात,
सगळे नट नट्या, जांभया देत घरी निघतात
उरते फक्त
एक अभ्यासू मुलगी, एक आई ,
आणि प्रेमाने वाफाळलेला चहा ...
- सुरंगा दाते 

hospitable hospital

amusing it is but unlike most humans, i quite look forward to hospital visits. maybe it has to do with the fact that i was reminded repeatedly since childhood by all and sundry that i was born in a kitchen (of my favourite grandparents' home) and not on a random hospital bed! it fascinated me to no end (esp. if you connect this fact with my eternal love for food). and i have always felt special and quaint and unique and exclusive, etc, etc since then. you get the drift... 
yes, there is a particular hospital i am quite fond of visiting. though the reasons for the visits in the past were not all that pleasant (except the very 1st one ever when the little sister decided to bless the 3 of us with her much welcome presence in our super adventurous lives! :)
i can actually recall almost all my visits to the BARC hospital in Anushaktinagar, Bombay till date from the time i was issued the CHSS card in my name. essential part of my memories associated with the wonder years (almost 2 decades) spent in this huge township.

(via google / barc.ernet.in)

never dared to ask any soul (not even my own sister!) till date if they are fond of this hospital as much as i am. that would be akin to going ahead and asking for a stamp of approval on my state of craziness. but i genuinely feel that whoever designed this well-maintained architecture and landscape did so with a lot of heart. yes, it has all that other public / government hospitals do. nothing fancy about it nor does it exactly match up to all the high-end facilities one sees, reads or hears of in private hospitals. yet i never felt depressed or suffocated whenever i was in the vicinity or inside the premises. ample space, lot of green cover and a number of birds chirping all around to soothe the soul. it is that serene and idyllic a location. the sprawling lawns of the hospital allowed the residents to enjoy their quite evenings back then. it even gave shelter to the students who wanted to study in its calming ambience.
visited it again early morning last week after almost 3 long years. the reason was not pleasant again. aai had to be hospitalized for a minor surgery. there was a slight nervousness of course and excitement as always. i was in the colony after a long gap too. took my own sweet time to reach the ward she was admitted in. various floors and departments inside were decorated for the dussera puja and festivities next day. dussera is considered big in BARC overall esp. the working class. admiring the all-too-familiar spaces (and also a few faces) on our way. once we reached her floor, what was not all that familiar was her face and a few other things about her. i was seeing her after almost a month. and what i saw is only giving me sleepless nights since wednesday. the ever-smiling-gentle-forgiving-comforting-encouraging-content face etched in my heart and being forever suddenly seemed to have aged by a decade or two on the outside and within. i managed to compose myself somehow and went about my duties along with my sister in tow. we waited with her till she was served a very healthy, balanced lunch by the wonderful angels working there as ayahs. and only after we were asked by the nurse not to crowd her room and were sure that the father is around for some more time, we went down to the hospital canteen to have a quick lunch ourselves. would you believe me if i say that even the canteen hit me with much nostalgia? it is a small but quite spacious independent structure in a quaint corner of the spread-out hospital premises serving some decent food at VFM (value-for-money) prices for the hospital employees and general visitors. this canteen along with 2-3 other canteens in the township used to be one of our backup plans when aai wasn't around at home or we were too bored/lazy to cook. we quickly finished the meal along with a myna giving us interesting company with her curious stares and survey of all the tables and its occupants.
on our way back to her room, we happened to pass the hospital kitchen/pantry on the same floor and witness the ayahs preparing for the dussera puja with rangolis, marigold flower decorations, prasad and some of them playing a much subdued symbolic garba inside the pantry on a makeshift floor. i couldn't help but stand, smile and be a part of that warm moment, their bonhomie. most of them are low on 'high-brow education' or 'sophisticated trainings' of any kind but quite high on 'humanity' and 'compassion'. am glad and grateful to them and the nurses and doc on duty for taking good care of my aai for 3 days. i even remember telling my sister that day on our way home just how wonderful a feeling it would be to cook (i love to cook!) in that huge spacious kitchen for all the patients in the hospital or atleast on that floor. someday! someday! (yes, i get such crazy ideas at any given time on any given day in my life. no matter how low or depressed i am :)
aai is home now and will be admitted again next week since the surgery did not take place. and the two of us are worried sick for her failing health. it's like she has given up on life, hope or any faith in her future or purpose for living. leaving us feeling much frustrated, guilty, terribly sad, angry, helpless and lonely! i hope we are able to work around a solution for the situation sooner than later. and actually manage to give that noble soul the happiness and peace of mind she so deserves at this stage in her life. do pray. meanwhile, i draw strength from this lady (and the hummingbird). Wangari Maathai was and will always remain our hero. may her soul rest in peace.

and i also continue to miss and remain overly nostalgic about our beloved Anushaktinagar and everything it stands for us :)

bienvenue Octobre!

2 more days to go! and i feel as if i have already welcomed October 2 weeks ago with a barrage of positive news, people, health and vibes coming my way. touching wood is happening ever since. quite amusing though considering just how much i was dreading September this year for 2 completely different reasons.

so yes, as always i look forward to my eternally favourite last quarter of the year with bated breath and much melodrama! ;o)

in the next few posts, i will be putting up a few pictures clicked by me along with the poems composed by Suranga m'am. and no this is not a shameless plug :o) it is just me sharing her amazing talent with you all who loiter around my 'katta'. i find it amazing that the images i capture with a completely different emotion/intention in my mind is given another dimension altogether in her verses. though i do not post any images on my Facebook account anymore, i absolutely miss her 2-minute instant poems (and oh, i must admit here that i do not remember making even Maggi noodles in 2 minutes till date unlike what the brand has been busy claiming all these years!). 

photograph taken by me

Some habits die hard.

Since childhood, every morning,
post the hurry and flurry
of watering and cleaning,
Madame Tree, freshly bathed,
would look into the Sky mirror,
adjust her leaves just so,
and preen;
followed by
a languorous stretching of branches
in a mild movement of air,
designed to cook a snook
at the little bird on the roof,
watching all this avidly.

But one day, when she looked,
the Sky mirror showed,
instead of green,
black clouds,
imperiously rumbling;
and before Madam Tree could figure out,
the bird on the roof smirked, and said,
"The municipality has not cleaned
the storm drains this year...
so sit and enjoy your time
in the floods, while I soar
high,
way up above the clouds,
watching all your fun..."

- Suranga Date

the original verse in Marathi is posted on her blog here. do hop in there!

an Ode to my 'Sandals'!

all of today my mind kept wandering. sensing something amiss. maybe someone's birthday or anniversary or wedding or due date or launch or...phew! checked both my phones, my online diary. even logged onto FB after a week almost just so that i get some clue as to know why exactly this date seemed to linger on. nothing rushed to my rescue. then read an unexpected line in an unexpected mail from an unexpected sender and it all fell in place magically. "dimaag ki batti jal gayi" moment happened! :-)

i love 5th may just as much i love 10th april just as much i love hundred other dates etched in my memory for all sorts of reasons. one of those 'perfect' days full of 'perfect' moments. (not that the perfectness of it matters to me much. i love imperfections as much more often than not in people, places, preferences, situations. it keeps my interest alive! ;-) 

one of the several perfectly magical moments i was blessed with that day is posted below. i cherish this pic a lot would surely be an 'understatement'!

photograph by Parag Mahale (May'09)

one of my adorable blogger friends - Mrs. Suranga Date, spotted this one on my profile more than a month back and penned a soulful ode to my sandals. the satire on her blog is something i look forward to always for all the tongue-in-cheek humour and insight she unfailingly provides with every post. you can't imagine just HOW surprised and full of glee i was when i read the verse :-) :-) have a look pretty please!

Some sandals 
stick to the owner
everywhere,
absorbing every cut,
pokey stone,
lash of cow dung
and wet mud,
but
keeping the feet
clean,
unfeeling,
and the person
devoid of nerves...

But some,
like a good friend,
share the heat of the road
on a summer afternoon,
the stumble across
an innocent pebble,
inadvertent puddle thumps,
the little scratches
of stuff in the sand,
and stand
patiently aside,
encouraging and waiting,
as you decide to get your feet wet
in some new waters
once again...
And when a
particularly big wave
of something arrives,
and you run back,
they remain,
overcome by the foam,
but bravely facing up,
faithfully waiting for you....
- Suranga Date 

and here's the link to it on her blog of poems. all of them are inspired by a broad spectrum of moments captured by different people. hope you enjoy them as much as i do! :-)

October-November-December!

all those who know me well, know just HOW MUCH since childhood i love this quarter of the year. and no, it is not just for all the festivals, the onset of winter, gifts, birthdays of my favourite people or the new year. it is all that and so much more. i completely transform into this state of being chirpier and happier. this quarter has always held for me in life, the promise of something/someone better. though last year was an exception, except for the beginning of my photography affair!

am madly, deeply in love again after a very long time; with myself, my lovely home, my plants, cooking, some extremely wonderful friends and family who have stood by me through thick and thin, my crazy pursuits, my work, my dreams. life itself! i feel like i am the lead actor of the story/film on my life, thoroughly enjoying the performance and looking forward to the script/drama/music every single day i wake up. and i do not care as of this very moment exactly 'who' the audience is as long as i am having a gala time!

and yes, the 'bucket-list' is getting quite exciting and longer day by day. two words which define my contentment with the world in general and myself in particular today: space and pace. if these 2 things are in place, nothing could go wrong with any quarter of the year, right? ;-)

oh november! where art thou?

anticipating much,
k

choices

life is full of choices galore. happy. sad. good. bad. crazy. fun. serious. dumb.

even when we are supposedly in our darkest of moments, it is only because we tend to forget we really have a choice!

i have only a faint idea about what all changed in last 15 days. i am feeling so much more lighter n happier in my head n heart after speaking to 2 of my dearest friends. am glad i have them back in my life. one friend, i took an effort to reach out to and another friend, reached out to me now that his memories are coming back slowly :) :)

as if all the worries and tensions of last 2 months suddenly got wiped away on hearing his voice, 'kalluuuu', taunts, laughter, musings, ramblings on phone for all of 45 minutes. 'happiness' is an understatement. i still don't know if he's going to be fully alright. i will continue to have faith in his doctors, medicines and the divine power above us :)

life becomes so much more easier and smooth when you choose to accept the reality and get on with life. at least now i know that i can reach out to him. that thought certainly reassures and how.

and yes, a lot of things are turning out in my favour without even wishing or praying for them once. never really sat and visualized about this life till i actually started living it. and it has sure been one crazy roller-coaster ride so far. touchwood. i sure don't want to get off it for a long long time to come. my one choice 6 months back has led to a plethora of choices for me.

thank god for everything, everyone. and thank god for all that i do not have and all those i could not have in my life too. all the 'NO's led me towards where i stand, and breathe free and independent today.

aah. i choose to remain blessed for now! ;)

probably

5.45 am and i am still wide awake. all set to welcome the first morning of this busy week probably.

the 'bad' that i was dreading to happen, happened last month to my best friend. the only person who once dared to compete with me in 'talking' much, who admitted he just can't match my skills and always declared me a winner in the talking category will probably never talk to me ever!

he has had his revenge i guess. he never thought he could manage to stop me from talking. he never thought i would be short for words ever. he never thought i could do anything but be his ever smiling, happy, encouraging, loving, talkative, sunshine girl.

today am speechless. not because of him but because of what has happened to him, his life. i am in no mood to fight with god for god knows best. he favours some. my friend and i are..were of the firm opinion that god has always been partial to special kids like us since childhood. we are who we are today because of those favours probably. time n again god tests our patience, love n faith, willingness to forgive n forget, desire to live, dream, do good. we have become only better at facing these tests and passing out with flying colours!

but my hold onto faith is not as tight as it used to be, the selfish friend in me realizes today. i have lost my best friend to something even worse than death, over and above a dozen others i have lost in last 2 years. the only person who gave me so much space in our friendship, has entered some unknown space himself where he does not remember the existence of anybody in his life of past 15 years.

i have only some heart-warming, crazy memories of time spent with him and all my insecurities to live by now.

बिछडे सभी बारी बारी...

am too scared these days to make new friends or to trust or to get attached or to get close to. they leave or they change or they pretend to change or they take away my close friends from me or they do things they think will be best for me without realizing that sometimes things can backfire for worse!..or sometimes god takes them away from me!

am too scared these days of losing the only close friend i have today besides my precious sister.

but i do not want to end this post on a sad note. last night i finally managed to see a wonderful movie i have been wanting to for some time. it features a song very close to my heart. it talks about 'hope'.

कहानी ख़त्म है, या शुरुवात होने को है

सुबह नयी है यह, या फिर रात होने को है

आने वाला वक़्त देगा पनाहें,

या फिर से मिलेंगे दो राहें,

खबर क्या, क्या पता...

...

lost another battle this morning..

but like someone said, "you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it".

बस क्या god!

dear god,

am disturbed. very!

good things always happen to good people i have been told time and again. bad things happen more often than not the way i see it right now!

the 'good' person here is someone who means the world to me and something 'bad' is happening or on the verge of happening. maybe. we will know for sure in a month's time. maybe.

i do not panic when it comes to big issues or decisions in life and since he appeared so calm, cool and mature while conveying the piece of news sometime back, it was easier to listen to if not react or grasp. no the shock hasn't sunk in yet so here i am disturbed if not panic or worry-stricken. and all i can do for now is laugh about it alongwith him like we crack up about million other things in our lives and around us. the gang at his behest managed to pull a fast one on me even from that much-dreaded place. that is the kind of person he is. blessed with an incomparable wit and a creative presence of mind. someone i've grown to love so much over the last couple of years since the time i've known him. he never ceases to amaze me come what may! am yet to meet someone as crazy as him. i know my bestest friend will face this situation as bravely as he is and nothing is going to break or pull him down. am glad i can be there for him when he'd need me the most alongwith others.

my first reaction after i heard the 'bad' news was as always 'why him'! that's how we all react for people we love isn't it. this question never crops up when the news is 'good' though. we're like that only. us humans. the very next moment the question changed to as always 'who him'! yes god, for you he's just like million others you need to take care of am aware and that you will very well i believe. but the answer to 'who him' is very important for me right now. he's someone am in awe of and have looked up to with much respect, trust, admiration and love from day one. i know you wouldn't give him anything he cannot handle or does not deserve. so right now i do not want him or any of us to worry and i'd rather just pray that things work out for him eventually cos he's someone who has always done only good in life be it for his family, friends, community, city, society, ..

please please please take care of him god is my humble request to you today. and i only hope he comes out much stronger and happier out of this 'situation' in life! :-)

faith is all i have to offer. in him and you.

बेधुंद

गेले कित्येक दिवस थोडेफार तरी लिहावे असे स्वतःला सांगतेय..म्हणून आज मुद्दाम वेळ काढला आणि ते सुद्धा मातृभाषेत लिहिण्या करीता (ह्या करीता सुशीलाचे आभार मानेन मी :-). जास्त काही नाही निव्वळ १० मिनिटे झोपण्या पूर्वीची.

तर लिहिण्यास कारण हे कि आज तारीख '१ जुलै, २०१०' (नाही ह्या तारखेची काही खास आठवण अशी नाहीये माझ्या मनात किंवा कल्पनेत). सहा महीने कुठच्या कुठे पळून/उडून गेले कळले सुद्धा नाही. एका अर्थी बरेच झाले म्हणा. ह्याचा अर्थ हा की मी माझे आयुष्य जगण्यात बर्यापैकी तल्लीन झाले होते. २९ डिसेंबर, २००९ रोजी मी माझ्या आयुष्यात जे काही बदल करण्याचे ठरवले होते ते सगळे करण्यात अक्षरशः गुंतून गेले होते.

सगळ्याच गोष्टी मनासारख्या झाल्याच असे नाही म्हणणार पण कोणतीही गोष्ट वाईट, नकारात्मक, मनाला दुख देणारी, हळव करणारी किंवा पश्चाताप करायला लावणारी झाली नाही अर्थात मी होऊ दिली नाही. मैत्री, नोकरी, स्वप्ने, नाती-गोती, परिवार, सामाजिक जबाबदार्या, प्रेम ह्या सगळ्याच बाबतीत चढ-उतार हे नेहमीच येणार आहेत. ह्या सगळ्यांपासून पळून जाणे अशक्य आहे. आज राहून राहून फक्त एकच गोष्ट सतत जाणवतेय कि मी ह्या सगळ्या परिस्तिथीना सामोरे जाण्यासाठी आज समर्थ आहे. मी स्वतःला कधीही दुर्बळ समजले नाही. २००८-२००९ ह्या कालावधीत मी स्वतःबद्दल आणि माझ्या अवतीभवतीच्या लोकांबद्दल भरपूर काही शिकले. हे शिक्षण मला जन्मभर पुरणारे असे आहे. ह्या सगळ्या करीता मी माझ्या आई-वडिलांची आणि लहान बहिणीची सदैव ऋणी राहेन :-)

२ महिन्यांपूर्वी मी जो निर्णय घेतला तो किती चूक किंवा अचूक हे मला माहित नाही. मला फक्त एवढं माहित आहे कि आज मी आनंदी/समाधानी आहे. खर्या अर्थाने स्वातंत्र्य उपभोगत आहे. हा निर्णय निव्वळ एक अट्टाहास नसून कुणाच्याहि दबावाला न घाबरता जगण्यासाठी एकुलता एक पर्याय समजून जगतेय. माझी स्वप्ने मी पूर्ण करू शकेन ह्या विश्वासात जगतेय. आयुष्यात ध्येय, आवाहने लाभली तर जगण्याला वेगळीच नशा आणि धुंदी अनुभवयाला मिळते.

आज मी नशेत आहे आणि जराशी बेधुंद ही :-) :-)

- शुभ रात्री,

कल्याणी

...

ecstacy n agony

exactly a year since i said yes to a proposition which led to 4 months of ecstacy n 8 months of agony..no regrets whatsoever except for that lingering feeling that i shouldn't have got carried away in those last few days..shouldn't have believed all words which were uttered, better still shouldn't have heard them in 1st place..sometimes people you look upto don't really mean what they say, i realised it the hard way..should have stuck to my original plan after saying yes to the proposition and got on with my life..but those words took me to some other world..instead of coming back to reality, for too long i stayed, and somehow i failed..in the process my life almost got derailed..aaarrrggghh!

today i wish to have only fond memories of those 4 months instead of torturing myself time n again over those 8 months..terribly cliched but here it goes ::

“i

hold it true, whatever befall; i feel it, when i sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost t

han never to have loved at all.

”

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

LOLLY!

LOLLY - that's my new nick name for the past couple of weeks..cos i 'LOL' a lot more than required..i actually do 'laugh out loud' excessively non-stop in 'real' life..so much so that i wonder at times if i'd die of a heart attack due to too much of laughter..have you ever heard of someone dying this way? what a fun way (to die)! i'd prefer that any day!..n i really do wish that other people around me would laugh more often too..there is so much joy, fun or absolute nonsensical stuff happening around us all the time!

"the most wasted day in life, the day in which we have not laughed" - charlie chaplin

fab feb!

this day shall definitely be remembered for more reasons than one! and am thankful! :-)

don't remember dreaming or aspiring much for anything in life except for those little joys since i was a 'little' kid..but today when am a 'slightly bigger' kid, i have this strong urge to dream big & work hard n smart towards making a few of my desires come true..

here's a wonderful quote i came across a few hours ago,

"as a tale, so is life; not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters." - Seneca

giddy-headed goat!

hehe..that's me! ;-)

can't stop grinning from ear to ear since past 1 hr..just 20 posts old but this blog has become a source of unlimited joy for me today! :-)

can't thank enough or for that matter even 'think' enough at the moment, so might as well hit the bed n head for my deep slumber..the unending crazy fun n hooplah starts from tommorrow!

life :: looking forward??

k :: yeah, ABSOLUTELY!! ;-D

'new' is overdue!

1st post of 2010!!! here's wishing a wonderful new year and life to all those who stumble upon this post..

it's been a week full of blessings so far..couldn't have asked for a better birthday at the turn of this decade (yay! am around for 3 decades now and still don't feel like it in my head yet!)..i can't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that so many of my friends actually remember me still even though i've tried my best to fade into oblivion for last 2 yrs now..some wishes were so touching that i was in tears after reading them! the week and the year ended beautifully with a small get together at a friend's place last night with everyone wishing all n sundry for a great year ahead..i won't deny that i'd a great time myself! there are too many new year messages and wishes in form of e-mails n sms's to respond to..

2009 was indeed one crazy year when i look back..i don't know how i'd feel about it 10 yrs. down the line, though as of now i only wish for some magical power to erase it all n set it all 'right' for me..flashback to 2009 is way too clear n right here in front of my eyes..at the moment, am acutely n painfully aware of all that i experienced from jan' to dec'..except for my non-stop weekend treks from aug' thru oct', am not really proud of a lot many things i thought or actually did last year! it sure was a year of awakening to reality with a sharp jerk..so sharp that am yet to recover fully from the state of shock..lot of things went wrong, didn't work out, things which took me by surprise (pleasant n otherwise), shook me for a long while and consumed me with a sense of wonder, longing, loneliness, wanting a closure..sometimes i still find myself looking for answers, figuring out what, why happened and if i really deserve it all! if someone ever decides to delete year 2009 from my 'record of life', i'd be only too glad..but the year wasn't all that bad either when i really 'think' about it..it taught me a lot too about myself n others, so i suppose 2010 will be the year to implement those learnings..there were things/feelings i experienced for the 1st time ever which took me to a different level as a human..i also realised the extent to or intensity with which i could give n love unconditionally without holding back or expecting much in return..also, there were lot many swell moments i can only look back with fondness and cherish for years to come..AND i have also realised 'all over again' the ever-lasting significance of family and friends in my life! you cannot really LIVE (in a real sense of the word) WITHOUT your support system, without people who care about you and are there for you giving unconditional love n support ALL the time (esp. my MOM!)..am completely incomplete without all those who touched my soul at some point or other in life and helped me 'be' who i am..i remain in gratitude and compassion! it takes a harder blow to help you emerge much stronger n beautiful in life :-)

on my birthday i've vowed to : :

• actually act upon all that i have listed below,
• continue to be my crazy self but with more focus, less impulse, more control, less delays, more gumption, less babble (am sure atleast someone will be happy to read this!), more strength, less insecurities, more smiles n hugs,
• forgive (forgetting takes time!) and make peace with 'myself',
• make the next 30 yrs of my life count in more ways than one,
• be a better n dependable daughter, sister, friend and citizen,
• reach out to as many people as possible esp. all my closest friends who've meant so much to me over last 15-20 years and even those who am yet to meet or know,
• keep myself occupied with something or other whether it's at work or play, so that unwanted clutter or negative thoughts do not have a scope to enter my being,
• get my career back in shape,
• learn as many new things as possible along the way,
• exlpore more places,
• and last but most important - keep up with my dates with the mountains! :-) :-)

if i come up with more later, will sure add them here..i shall strive to keep my word n not let myself down again! till then cheers to all new beginnings along with nurturing the good old stuff within!

~ love n hugs,

k

psssssst...the pic above has nothing much to do with this post directly as such..it shows FOOD n i happen to LOVE food! after going through terrible patches of health issues for last 5-6 months, am finally back to eating (read: satiating my infamous extra healthy appetite!) like before..so now the weight lost via wrong means will be maintained via right means this year!! cheers to a healthy 2010 ahead :-)

posted present :-)

one of the bestest gifts on my birthday this year from one of my bestest friends! :-) :-)

http://jessblah.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/yo-kay/

~ k

scrabble babble

go ahead! call me an ‘addict’!! i am myself staring in disbelief that besides being addicted to the game am actually blogging about it as well (and that am typing in between min. 15 games of “SCRABBLE” on the go on a social-networking site if you even care to know!)..there’s something about it that makes me wanna play it more n more, to keep up with my 90% winning score! ha!

i feel every 'relationship' leaves you with some new long lasting influences/perspectives, good or bad i shall leave for you to decide..my previous 'relationship' left me with much love for 'scrabble' (besides a couple of other things of course which i'll save for my future posts here!)..so coming back to 'scrabble' - it started out as a game for both of us to pass time n apparently to get to 'know each other better' along the way..i was playing against, and learning my lessons from an expert-cum-addict of the game so you can imagine how disheartening or challenging every game played between us used to be for me! it took me a good more than 15 games to actually manage to defeat him (my 'scrabble guru') ONCE! yeah it happened only ONCE till date but oh boy! i cherish that win for all that it is worth, though the feeling of victory was really short-lived (all of 5 mins. if you care to know!) owing to all the sulking, 'oh i can't be losing a game against a beginner n my-student-at-that so soon', 'i always play to win, i can't afford to lose ever' feelings :-)..i'd vowed that night that i'll NEVER EVER play 'scrabble' with him if it leads to such fights between us! but i was persuaded to think otherwise later..sigh..not that we play anymore (i don't know why!), been 5 months already since our last game..i'd almost given up on the game for long, but got hooked onto it again a month ago..with much practice i've only got better at it (well, i still don't score bingos in every game that i play but it's only getting better! ;-)..i find it extremely stimulating n challenging..it's not so much about 'vocabulary' but about the 'strategy'! i have no idea if the love for 'scrabble' comes from my love for the language or my love for my closest-friend, but either way it's here to stay & make my day every single day! :-)

here' some fun stuff i felt like sharing which i happened to read on a scrabble-lovers group forum on the site where i play, enjoy ::

you know you're addicted to scrabble when,

• you're not at all embarrassed after playing words like 'sex' or 'genitalia' if they're high-scoring
• you have dreams about getting super bingos
• you look up all the two- and three-letter words in your spare time
• you have a certain attachment to the words that gave you high scores
• you think about strategies during school/work.
• you try to figure out what the highest-scoring possible bingo could be
• finding a new Z or Q word in a book excites you
• you get a rush when you suddenly spot a place to put both your Q and Z
• you spend your Friday nights playing multiple games of Scrabble online
• you talk to your opponents online more than you talk to your real-life friends
• you try to figure out what your opponent is like based on what words he/she puts down
• you have a certain hatred of Vs, especially at the end of a game
• you get extremely angry when someone takes the spot you were planning to put a super bingo on
• you sometimes play against those perverts trying to get dates because you know they'll let you win if you talk to them
• you talk about scrabble to your real-life friends way too much
• you know most Z, X, J, and Q words

psssssst...i DO NOT fit into all the points listed above, so i suppose i don't qualify to be an 'addict' AS YET! ;-)

babblingly yours,

k

302010

do not try to read too much into this title..you won't get it anyways! :P

when i woke up this morning, i realised i would be all of 30 yrs in the year 2010 n all the digits placed together this way were giving me a major kick..hence the new post today! ha!!

rollercoaster ride!

can’t help wondering aloud, if i’d be allowed to keep the title of this post ‘blank’..i seriously can't think of any appropriate title at the moment & since that's exactly how am feeling too right now – ‘blank' that is, surely you'd believe me!

i did something this noon which i'd wanted to do for a long time now..am i supposed to feel ‘lighter’ cos’ am done with it? so maybe am feeling ‘lighter’ too along with ‘blank’..but frankly speaking, am ‘heavier’ with emotion as well cos' whatever i did today left me feeling totally ‘empty’ inside out!

as far as i can remember, the emotional graph in my life has never been static..it’s always moved to every possible point making my life very ‘interesting’, ‘exciting’ n ‘fulfilling’ to quote a few friends n close friends! only difference this time around being that for past 4 months, it has majorly remained a plummeting curve at any given point of time..i’ve experienced a plethora of emotions esp. over last 6 weeks whether it was impatience, anxiety, ignorance, disappointment, agony, concern, frustration, boredom, madness, caution, disgust, shock, misery, shame, confusion, loneliness, isolation, depression, pressure, self-destruction, distraction, stress, wariness, self-doubt, guilt, fear, sadness, indifference, jumpiness, irritation, panic, tiredness, discomfort, worthlessness, …

YES, i admit i’ve been awfully full of negativity for a long while now and am sure not proud of it cos that’s so ‘unlike’ me! i need to put a full stop to it! and quick!! every passing day am walking this extremely thin line between insanity n some more insanity!!! so tommorrow when i wake up, this is how i wanna feel for all the beautiful days to come ahead of me – good, great, energetic, eager, delighted, cheerful, assured, excited, capable, certain, positive, relaxed, grateful, courageous, secure, stable, happy, interested, confident, inspired, comfortable, sexy, determined, charmed, enthusiastic, proud, empathetic, fascinated, glamorous, hopeful, humorous, loved n loving, playful, at peace, thrilled, sensous!

“once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen!” said Ralph Waldo Emerson..so here i am, looking forward to an absolutely thrilling ride on my very own emotional rollercoaster!!