Sep 6, 2010


5.45 am and i am still wide awake. all set to welcome the first morning of this busy week probably.

the 'bad' that i was dreading to happen, happened last month to my best friend. the only person who once dared to compete with me in 'talking' much, who admitted he just can't match my skills and always declared me a winner in the talking category will probably never talk to me ever!

he has had his revenge i guess. he never thought he could manage to stop me from talking. he never thought i would be short for words ever. he never thought i could do anything but be his ever smiling, happy, encouraging, loving, talkative, sunshine girl.

today am speechless. not because of him but because of what has happened to him, his life. i am in no mood to fight with god for god knows best. he favours some. my friend and i are..were of the firm opinion that god has always been partial to special kids like us since childhood. we are who we are today because of those favours probably. time n again god tests our patience, love n faith, willingness to forgive n forget, desire to live, dream, do good. we have become only better at facing these tests and passing out with flying colours!

but my hold onto faith is not as tight as it used to be, the selfish friend in me realizes today. i have lost my best friend to something even worse than death, over and above a dozen others i have lost in last 2 years. the only person who gave me so much space in our friendship, has entered some unknown space himself where he does not remember the existence of anybody in his life of past 15 years.

i have only some heart-warming, crazy memories of time spent with him and all my insecurities to live by now.

बिछडे सभी बारी बारी...

am too scared
these days to make new friends or to trust or to get attached or to get close to. they leave or they change or they pretend to change or they take away my close friends from me or they do things they think will be best for me without realizing that sometimes things can backfire for worse!..or sometimes god takes them away from me!

am too scared these days of losing the only close friend i have today besides my precious sister.

but i do not want to end this post on a sad note. last night i finally managed to see a wonderful movie i have been wanting to for some time. it features a song very close to my heart. it talks about 'hope'.

कहानी ख़त्म है, या शुरुवात होने को है
सुबह नयी है यह, या फिर रात होने को है
आने वाला वक़्त देगा पनाहें,
या फिर से मिलेंगे दो राहें,
खबर क्या, क्या पता...


Jason said...

Lovely piece!

Too melancholic for me! And I don’t quite relate to the fear of not making friends, because of what might happen? Isn’t that a risk we take with every relationship outside our blood bonds?

Love your writing as always :)

Paula said...

I like your blog!

Have a nice time!