Dec 14, 2009

rollercoaster ride!

can’t help wondering aloud, if i’d be allowed to keep the title of this post ‘blank’..i seriously can't think of any appropriate title at the moment & since that's exactly how am feeling too right now – ‘blank' that is, surely you'd believe me!

i did something this noon which i'd wanted to do for a long time now..am i supposed to feel ‘lighter’ cos’ am done with it? so maybe am feeling ‘lighter’ too along with ‘blank’..but frankly speaking, am ‘heavier’ with emotion as well cos' whatever i did today left me feeling totally ‘empty’ inside out!

as far as i can remember, the emotional graph in my life has never been static..it’s always moved to every possible point making my life very ‘interesting’, ‘exciting’ n ‘fulfilling’ to quote a few friends n close friends! only difference this time around being that for past 4 months, it has majorly remained a plummeting curve at any given point of time..i’ve experienced a plethora of emotions esp. over last 6 weeks whether it was impatience, anxiety, ignorance, disappointment, agony, concern, frustration, boredom, madness, caution, disgust, shock, misery, shame, confusion, loneliness, isolation, depression, pressure, self-destruction, distraction, stress, wariness, self-doubt, guilt, fear, sadness, indifference, jumpiness, irritation, panic, tiredness, discomfort, worthlessness, …

YES, i admit i’ve been awfully full of negativity for a long while now and am sure not proud of it cos that’s so ‘unlike’ me! i need to put a full stop to it! and quick!! every passing day am walking this extremely thin line between insanity n some more insanity!!! so tommorrow when i wake up, this is how i wanna feel for all the beautiful days to come ahead of me – good, great, energetic, eager, delighted, cheerful, assured, excited, capable, certain, positive, relaxed, grateful, courageous, secure, stable, happy, interested, confident, inspired, comfortable, sexy, determined, charmed, enthusiastic, proud, empathetic, fascinated, glamorous, hopeful, humorous, loved n loving, playful, at peace, thrilled, sensous!

“once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen!” said Ralph Waldo Emerson..so here i am, looking forward to an absolutely thrilling ride on my very own emotional rollercoaster!!

1 comment:

jason.braganza said...

this is a 'huh' post... as in 'huh, what she gettin at?'

get your lazy ass out of that chair and as Joey Tribbiani says, "grab a spoon! there are a million flavors of ice cream out there to taste!"