can’t help wondering aloud, if i’d be allowed to keep the title of this post ‘blank’..i seriously can't think of any appropriate title at the moment & since that's exactly how am feeling too right now – ‘blank' that is, surely you'd believe me!
i did something this noon which i'd wanted to do for a long time now..am i supposed to feel ‘lighter’ cos’ am done with it? so maybe am feeling ‘lighter’ too along with ‘blank’..but frankly speaking, am ‘heavier’ with emotion as well cos' whatever i did today left me feeling totally ‘empty’ inside out!
as far as i can remember, the emotional graph in my life has never been static..it’s always moved to every possible point making my life very ‘interesting’, ‘exciting’ n ‘fulfilling’ to quote a few friends n close friends! only difference this time around being that for past 4 months, it has majorly remained a plummeting curve at any given point of time..i’ve experienced a plethora of emotions esp. over last 6 weeks whether it was impatience, anxiety, ignorance, disappointment, agony, concern, frustration, boredom, madness, caution, disgust, shock, misery, shame, confusion, loneliness, isolation, depression, pressure, self-destruction, distraction, stress, wariness, self-doubt, guilt, fear, sadness, indifference, jumpiness, irritation, panic, tiredness, discomfort, worthlessness, …
YES, i admit i’ve been awfully full of negativity for a long while now and am sure not proud of it cos that’s so ‘unlike’ me! i need to put a full stop to it! and quick!! every passing day am walking this extremely thin line between insanity n some more insanity!!! so tommorrow when i wake up, this is how i wanna feel for all the beautiful days to come ahead of me – good, great, energetic, eager, delighted, cheerful, assured, excited, capable, certain, positive, relaxed, grateful, courageous, secure, stable, happy, interested, confident, inspired, comfortable, sexy, determined, charmed, enthusiastic, proud, empathetic, fascinated, glamorous, hopeful, humorous, loved n loving, playful, at peace, thrilled, sensous!
“once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen!” said Ralph Waldo Emerson..so here i am, looking forward to an absolutely thrilling ride on my very own emotional rollercoaster!!