Dec 9, 2009
unlike other kids my age, i was never in a hurry to grow up, attend college, work in an office, get married, make kids n more blah...i loved school! n today i have this crazy crazy urge to go back to school again! :( all i wanna do is study, study n more study n get 'good marks'! sounds crazy doesnt it...but i find so much more comfort in that thought...of course, there are other things too i desire for in life..but right now all i wanna do is go back to my life 22 yrs back when i was completely driven by the idea of standing first in class by getting 'good marks'..this was a result of flunking in 2-3 subjects or getting promoted every year since my 1st grade..embarrassing? yes it used to be mighty embarrassing for me when i couldn't understand a word of english back then and all the subjects except hindi were taught in english..and there was nobody at home who could teach me english and my folks couldn't really afford tuitions for us till 10th grade..i dont know whether it was this embarrassment or the teachers who inspired me or the lovely set of friends i'd around me who got me inclined towards reading english fiction..it led to a drastic change cos i majorly latched onto studies that year and stood 2nd in the class in my 4th grade..since then, the only prayer i recited like a parrot to my fav. god, ganesha was "god, please gimme 'good marks' in every exam i write"! Till my 10th grade, this is all i asked from god unabashedly, shamelessly..well yeah, we (god n i) did talk about other things as well but this is what i 'asked' from him to be specific..n he relented without a whimper every paper, every semester, every unit test, every final exam so that i could stand 1st, 2nd or atleast 3rd in class or an entire batch!! 'good marks' meant the world to me for all the appreciation, approval, a sense of belonging and this innate need to fit in with the outside world (read: family, relatives, neighbours, friends, society!) & also maybe cos there was nothing really 'good' happening in our totally dysfunctional family life!