choices

life is full of choices galore. happy. sad. good. bad. crazy. fun. serious. dumb.

even when we are supposedly in our darkest of moments, it is only because we tend to forget we really have a choice!

i have only a faint idea about what all changed in last 15 days. i am feeling so much more lighter n happier in my head n heart after speaking to 2 of my dearest friends. am glad i have them back in my life. one friend, i took an effort to reach out to and another friend, reached out to me now that his memories are coming back slowly :) :)

as if all the worries and tensions of last 2 months suddenly got wiped away on hearing his voice, 'kalluuuu', taunts, laughter, musings, ramblings on phone for all of 45 minutes. 'happiness' is an understatement. i still don't know if he's going to be fully alright. i will continue to have faith in his doctors, medicines and the divine power above us :)

life becomes so much more easier and smooth when you choose to accept the reality and get on with life. at least now i know that i can reach out to him. that thought certainly reassures and how.

and yes, a lot of things are turning out in my favour without even wishing or praying for them once. never really sat and visualized about this life till i actually started living it. and it has sure been one crazy roller-coaster ride so far. touchwood. i sure don't want to get off it for a long long time to come. my one choice 6 months back has led to a plethora of choices for me.

thank god for everything, everyone. and thank god for all that i do not have and all those i could not have in my life too. all the 'NO's led me towards where i stand, and breathe free and independent today.

aah. i choose to remain blessed for now! ;)

काही तरी जुळून येतय...

सकाळ पासून हुरहूर आहे मनात
कि काही तरी जुळून येतय
चित्र अद्याप इतकं स्पष्ट नाहीये
पण काही तरी जुळून येतय

:o)

probably

5.45 am and i am still wide awake. all set to welcome the first morning of this busy week probably.

the 'bad' that i was dreading to happen, happened last month to my best friend. the only person who once dared to compete with me in 'talking' much, who admitted he just can't match my skills and always declared me a winner in the talking category will probably never talk to me ever!

he has had his revenge i guess. he never thought he could manage to stop me from talking. he never thought i would be short for words ever. he never thought i could do anything but be his ever smiling, happy, encouraging, loving, talkative, sunshine girl.

today am speechless. not because of him but because of what has happened to him, his life. i am in no mood to fight with god for god knows best. he favours some. my friend and i are..were of the firm opinion that god has always been partial to special kids like us since childhood. we are who we are today because of those favours probably. time n again god tests our patience, love n faith, willingness to forgive n forget, desire to live, dream, do good. we have become only better at facing these tests and passing out with flying colours!

but my hold onto faith is not as tight as it used to be, the selfish friend in me realizes today. i have lost my best friend to something even worse than death, over and above a dozen others i have lost in last 2 years. the only person who gave me so much space in our friendship, has entered some unknown space himself where he does not remember the existence of anybody in his life of past 15 years.

i have only some heart-warming, crazy memories of time spent with him and all my insecurities to live by now.

बिछडे सभी बारी बारी...

am too scared these days to make new friends or to trust or to get attached or to get close to. they leave or they change or they pretend to change or they take away my close friends from me or they do things they think will be best for me without realizing that sometimes things can backfire for worse!..or sometimes god takes them away from me!

am too scared these days of losing the only close friend i have today besides my precious sister.

but i do not want to end this post on a sad note. last night i finally managed to see a wonderful movie i have been wanting to for some time. it features a song very close to my heart. it talks about 'hope'.

कहानी ख़त्म है, या शुरुवात होने को है

सुबह नयी है यह, या फिर रात होने को है

आने वाला वक़्त देगा पनाहें,

या फिर से मिलेंगे दो राहें,

खबर क्या, क्या पता...