'new' is overdue!

1st post of 2010!!! here's wishing a wonderful new year and life to all those who stumble upon this post..

it's been a week full of blessings so far..couldn't have asked for a better birthday at the turn of this decade (yay! am around for 3 decades now and still don't feel like it in my head yet!)..i can't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that so many of my friends actually remember me still even though i've tried my best to fade into oblivion for last 2 yrs now..some wishes were so touching that i was in tears after reading them! the week and the year ended beautifully with a small get together at a friend's place last night with everyone wishing all n sundry for a great year ahead..i won't deny that i'd a great time myself! there are too many new year messages and wishes in form of e-mails n sms's to respond to..

2009 was indeed one crazy year when i look back..i don't know how i'd feel about it 10 yrs. down the line, though as of now i only wish for some magical power to erase it all n set it all 'right' for me..flashback to 2009 is way too clear n right here in front of my eyes..at the moment, am acutely n painfully aware of all that i experienced from jan' to dec'..except for my non-stop weekend treks from aug' thru oct', am not really proud of a lot many things i thought or actually did last year! it sure was a year of awakening to reality with a sharp jerk..so sharp that am yet to recover fully from the state of shock..lot of things went wrong, didn't work out, things which took me by surprise (pleasant n otherwise), shook me for a long while and consumed me with a sense of wonder, longing, loneliness, wanting a closure..sometimes i still find myself looking for answers, figuring out what, why happened and if i really deserve it all! if someone ever decides to delete year 2009 from my 'record of life', i'd be only too glad..but the year wasn't all that bad either when i really 'think' about it..it taught me a lot too about myself n others, so i suppose 2010 will be the year to implement those learnings..there were things/feelings i experienced for the 1st time ever which took me to a different level as a human..i also realised the extent to or intensity with which i could give n love unconditionally without holding back or expecting much in return..also, there were lot many swell moments i can only look back with fondness and cherish for years to come..AND i have also realised 'all over again' the ever-lasting significance of family and friends in my life! you cannot really LIVE (in a real sense of the word) WITHOUT your support system, without people who care about you and are there for you giving unconditional love n support ALL the time (esp. my MOM!)..am completely incomplete without all those who touched my soul at some point or other in life and helped me 'be' who i am..i remain in gratitude and compassion! it takes a harder blow to help you emerge much stronger n beautiful in life :-)

on my birthday i've vowed to : :

• actually act upon all that i have listed below,
• continue to be my crazy self but with more focus, less impulse, more control, less delays, more gumption, less babble (am sure atleast someone will be happy to read this!), more strength, less insecurities, more smiles n hugs,
• forgive (forgetting takes time!) and make peace with 'myself',
• make the next 30 yrs of my life count in more ways than one,
• be a better n dependable daughter, sister, friend and citizen,
• reach out to as many people as possible esp. all my closest friends who've meant so much to me over last 15-20 years and even those who am yet to meet or know,
• keep myself occupied with something or other whether it's at work or play, so that unwanted clutter or negative thoughts do not have a scope to enter my being,
• get my career back in shape,
• learn as many new things as possible along the way,
• exlpore more places,
• and last but most important - keep up with my dates with the mountains! :-) :-)

if i come up with more later, will sure add them here..i shall strive to keep my word n not let myself down again! till then cheers to all new beginnings along with nurturing the good old stuff within!

~ love n hugs,

k

psssssst...the pic above has nothing much to do with this post directly as such..it shows FOOD n i happen to LOVE food! after going through terrible patches of health issues for last 5-6 months, am finally back to eating (read: satiating my infamous extra healthy appetite!) like before..so now the weight lost via wrong means will be maintained via right means this year!! cheers to a healthy 2010 ahead :-)