kalyani cha katta

birthday gift

2012-01-21T18:03:00.022+05:30

it must have been in the air
quite like the viruses
of cold and fever
floating around forever.
how else do i explain
my being, embraced by
and wrapped in it
all cosy yet numbed
sighing away, soaking in,
wanting, aching
and unquenched.

and oh! like the
frequent visiting viruses,
December 2011
kept its
annual promise as well
bringing in
not one but
way too many reasons
for giggles, a few
pleasant memories
and permanent joys.

the anticipation and
all looking forward to, didn't
quite prepare me
for the fastest
entry and exit of

the bestest

birthday gift ever!
caught me unawares
it so did
i think i know now
though faintly,
what a 'hurricane'
or its after-effects must be like!
it sucks..
you don't know what hit you
that's precisely how it felt like!

the whats, hows and whys
will take
their own sweet time
and so will the healing.
and healing will
eventually
bring clarity
but i love what i see already
the awakening to
absurdity of my own prejudices,
fall of the self-imposed fences,
to be able to let go,
trust,
love

and give again

without any restraints.
freely,
foolishly.
to be able to tune into
the design
that life has for me,
to sing
my own unique song,
to be me.
vulnerable
and alive.
happy
and at peace.

welcome back, december!

2011-12-01T03:06:00.007+05:30

dear december,

you have been waited for
long and how!

all fingers are being crossed

right now.

fresh dreams are being dreamt

old ones are being re-moulded
or a few have been discarded

surprises are being registered

sighs are being heaved

smiles are being plastered

all over my fat face!

clarity of both vision
and purpose

has been seeked

and well, 'almost' reached

will be oh so glad
and grateful

my darling december

if the joy and peace

i so desire
and deserve now
will not be

denied or ditched!

heaps of love and warm hugs,

~ your fav. child welcoming you with open arms :o)

चहा च्या आगळ्या वेगळ्या छटा

2011-10-13T03:22:00.005+05:30

चहा जणू काही माझा जीव कि प्राण. सकाळी उठल्या उठल्या सगळ्यात आधी हातात हवा तो चहाचा कप. नसला तर जीव अगदी कासावीस होऊन जातो. भले माझी सकाळी उठण्याची वेळ ६, ७, ८, ९, १० असो कि दुपारचे दीड-दोन असो. चहा शिवाय चैन पडणे अशक्यच. कधी कुणी "What's your poison?" असा प्रश्न चुकून जरी विचारला तर माझे उत्तर हमखास चहा असे असायचे. गैरसमज नको. मला चहा प्यायल्यावर चढत वगैरे नाही ;-) किंवा त्याची चटक हि नाही. दिवसाला २ कप हि पुरेसे असतात.

स्वयंपाक घरात सगळ्यात पहिली गोष्ट करायला शिकले तो सुद्धा चहाच. चहाची तर्हा निराळीच. चव हि. आणि सगळ्यांची बनवण्याची व आस्वाद घेण्याची पद्धत हि. साहित्य, कृती, प्रकार, प्रमाण, ठिकाण, लाभ आणि त्याचे रसिक ह्या सगळ्यातच अगणित विविधता. लिहायला बसले तर अख्खा "ब्लोग" च चहा वर समर्पित करावा लागेल :D आणि खर सांगू तर ते काम करायला माझी हरकत हि नाही. वेळ नाहीये हीच एक खंत.

आज हि आजीने केलेल्या मसालेदार चहाची (आणि लज्जतदार जेवणाची) आठवण येते. मन अगदी प्रसन्न होते आणि मग लगेचच भरून हि येते :-)

काही महिन्यांपूर्वी संध्याकाळी मी कसला तरी विचार करत बसले होते. आणि हा फोटो सहज म्हणून काढला. आणि नेहमी प्रमाणे त्यावर "उगीच कोणीतरी" ने मजेशीर कविता रचली. तुम्हाला हि तितकीच रुचकर वाटेल हि आशा :-)

photograph taken by me

आयुष्याच्या रंगमंचावर
कितीतरी पडदे , कितीतरी रंग ...
काही चहा
सलमान खान च्या हालचालीसारखे
गडबडीने उकळत राहतात,
काही चहा ,
देवगण च्या रागासारखे
कडक लाल टक लाउन
आतल्या आत धुमसत असतात
तर काही चहा
कुणा काजोल वर चालणार्या सिनेमा सारखे
कुणा एका साहेबी चहा पत्ती मध्ये मुरत राहतात ...
काही चहा
इरफान खान सारखे
इंग्रजी किटली तूनच बाहेर कपात पडतात;
आणि
काही काही चहा तर
आल, पुदिना मसाल्याचे दागिने घालून,
एका मुलीच्या अभ्यासा साठी,
एका आईच्या मनातूनच बाहेर पडतात ...
पडदा उघडतो, वाफा काचा झाकावतात,
सगळे नट नट्या, जांभया देत घरी निघतात
उरते फक्त
एक अभ्यासू मुलगी, एक आई ,
आणि प्रेमाने वाफाळलेला चहा ...
- सुरंगा दाते

hospitable hospital

2011-10-10T04:58:00.023+05:30

amusing it is but unlike most humans, i quite look forward to hospital visits. maybe it has to do with the fact that i was reminded repeatedly since childhood by all and sundry that i was born in a kitchen (of my favourite grandparents' home) and not on a random hospital bed! it fascinated me to no end (esp. if you connect this fact with my eternal love for food). and i have always felt special and quaint and unique and exclusive, etc, etc since then. you get the drift...
yes, there is a particular hospital i am quite fond of visiting. though the reasons for the visits in the past were not all that pleasant (except the very 1st one ever when the little sister decided to bless the 3 of us with her much welcome presence in our super adventurous lives! :)
i can actually recall almost all my visits to the BARC hospital in Anushaktinagar, Bombay till date from the time i was issued the CHSS card in my name. essential part of my memories associated with the wonder years (almost 2 decades) spent in this huge township.

(via google / barc.ernet.in)

never dared to ask any soul (not even my own sister!) till date if they are fond of this hospital as much as i am. that would be akin to going ahead and asking for a stamp of approval on my state of craziness. but i genuinely feel that whoever designed this well-maintained architecture and landscape did so with a lot of heart. yes, it has all that other public / government hospitals do. nothing fancy about it nor does it exactly match up to all the high-end facilities one sees, reads or hears of in private hospitals. yet i never felt depressed or suffocated whenever i was in the vicinity or inside the premises. ample space, lot of green cover and a number of birds chirping all around to soothe the soul. it is that serene and idyllic a location. the sprawling lawns of the hospital allowed the residents to enjoy their quite evenings back then. it even gave shelter to the students who wanted to study in its calming ambience.
visited it again early morning last week after almost 3 long years. the reason was not pleasant again. aai had to be hospitalized for a minor surgery. there was a slight nervousness of course and excitement as always. i was in the colony after a long gap too. took my own sweet time to reach the ward she was admitted in. various floors and departments inside were decorated for the dussera puja and festivities next day. dussera is considered big in BARC overall esp. the working class. admiring the all-too-familiar spaces (and also a few faces) on our way. once we reached her floor, what was not all that familiar was her face and a few other things about her. i was seeing her after almost a month. and what i saw is only giving me sleepless nights since wednesday. the ever-smiling-gentle-forgiving-comforting-encouraging-content face etched in my heart and being forever suddenly seemed to have aged by a decade or two on the outside and within. i managed to compose myself somehow and went about my duties along with my sister in tow. we waited with her till she was served a very healthy, balanced lunch by the wonderful angels working there as ayahs. and only after we were asked by the nurse not to crowd her room and were sure that the father is around for some more time, we went down to the hospital canteen to have a quick lunch ourselves. would you believe me if i say that even the canteen hit me with much nostalgia? it is a small but quite spacious independent structure in a quaint corner of the spread-out hospital premises serving some decent food at VFM (value-for-money) prices for the hospital employees and general visitors. this canteen along with 2-3 other canteens in the township used to be one of our backup plans when aai wasn't around at home or we were too bored/lazy to cook. we quickly finished the meal along with a myna giving us interesting company with her curious stares and survey of all the tables and its occupants.
on our way back to her room, we happened to pass the hospital kitchen/pantry on the same floor and witness the ayahs preparing for the dussera puja with rangolis, marigold flower decorations, prasad and some of them playing a much subdued symbolic garba inside the pantry on a makeshift floor. i couldn't help but stand, smile and be a part of that warm moment, their bonhomie. most of them are low on 'high-brow education' or 'sophisticated trainings' of any kind but quite high on 'humanity' and 'compassion'. am glad and grateful to them and the nurses and doc on duty for taking good care of my aai for 3 days. i even remember telling my sister that day on our way home just how wonderful a feeling it would be to cook (i love to cook!) in that huge spacious kitchen for all the patients in the hospital or atleast on that floor. someday! someday! (yes, i get such crazy ideas at any given time on any given day in my life. no matter how low or depressed i am :)
aai is home now and will be admitted again next week since the surgery did not take place. and the two of us are worried sick for her failing health. it's like she has given up on life, hope or any faith in her future or purpose for living. leaving us feeling much frustrated, guilty, terribly sad, angry, helpless and lonely! i hope we are able to work around a solution for the situation sooner than later. and actually manage to give that noble soul the happiness and peace of mind she so deserves at this stage in her life. do pray. meanwhile, i draw strength from this lady (and the hummingbird). Wangari Maathai was and will always remain our hero. may her soul rest in peace.

and i also continue to miss and remain overly nostalgic about our beloved Anushaktinagar and everything it stands for us :)

bienvenue Octobre!

2011-09-29T04:13:00.019+05:30

2 more days to go! and i feel as if i have already welcomed October 2 weeks ago with a barrage of positive news, people, health and vibes coming my way. touching wood is happening ever since. quite amusing though considering just how much i was dreading September this year for 2 completely different reasons.

so yes, as always i look forward to my eternally favourite last quarter of the year with bated breath and much melodrama! ;o)

in the next few posts, i will be putting up a few pictures clicked by me along with the poems composed by Suranga m'am. and no this is not a shameless plug :o) it is just me sharing her amazing talent with you all who loiter around my 'katta'. i find it amazing that the images i capture with a completely different emotion/intention in my mind is given another dimension altogether in her verses. though i do not post any images on my Facebook account anymore, i absolutely miss her 2-minute instant poems (and oh, i must admit here that i do not remember making even Maggi noodles in 2 minutes till date unlike what the brand has been busy claiming all these years!).

photograph taken by me

Some habits die hard.

Since childhood, every morning,
post the hurry and flurry
of watering and cleaning,
Madame Tree, freshly bathed,
would look into the Sky mirror,
adjust her leaves just so,
and preen;
followed by
a languorous stretching of branches
in a mild movement of air,
designed to cook a snook
at the little bird on the roof,
watching all this avidly.

But one day, when she looked,
the Sky mirror showed,
instead of green,
black clouds,
imperiously rumbling;
and before Madam Tree could figure out,
the bird on the roof smirked, and said,
"The municipality has not cleaned
the storm drains this year...
so sit and enjoy your time
in the floods, while I soar
high,
way up above the clouds,
watching all your fun..."

- Suranga Date

the original verse in Marathi is posted on her blog here. do hop in there!

iRelate

2011-09-08T01:13:00.001+05:30

"My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked,
A song that's spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke,
When I think about myself."

~ Maya Angelou

between coffee, kulfi and chai

2011-07-30T04:31:00.017+05:30

photograph taken by me

so i realize today

that i have this insane,
intense, delirious, impulse

to play with it

more often than not.
that just how much

i do love fire!

the only difference

this time being

it warmed my heart

and left me burning

with much longing & desire!

silent noises...

2011-07-16T01:33:00.015+05:30

...

The Nazis were obviously wrong to hate the Jews.
But their hating the Jews was not without a cause.
But the cause was not real. The cause was imagined.
The cause was FEAR.

There are all sorts of minorities, blondes for example, but a minority is only thought of as one when it constitutes some kind of threat to the majority. A real threat or an imagined one. And therein lies the FEAR. And, if the minority is somehow invisible...

...the fear is even greater.

And this FEAR is the reason the minority is persecuted.
So, there always is a cause. And the cause is FEAR.
Minorities are just people. People like us.

Fear, after all, is our real enemy.
Fear is taking over our world.
Fear is being used as a tool of manipulation in our society.
It’s how politicians peddle policy and how Madison Avenue sells us things that we don’t need. Think about it.
Fear that we’re going to be attacked,
fear that there are communists lurking around every corner,
fear that some little Caribbean country that doesn’t believe in our way of life poses a threat to us.
Fear that black culture may take over the world.
Fear of Elvis Presley’s hips.
Well, maybe that one is a real fear.
Fear that our bad breath might ruin our friendships,
Fear of growing old and being alone.
Fear that we’re useless and that no one cares what we have to say.

...

watched the film "A Single Man" directed by Tom Ford for the second time last week. the above lines from the same film kept rushing back to me 2 days ago.
heart missed a beat and some more when i heard the news. too-familiar-for-comfort feelings of worry, sadness and numbness followed. like they do every time i read on the internet (no, you don't get to read the 'real', 'objective' truth anymore in any of the mainstream national dailies or on the idiot box!) about the atrocities committed all across the nation be it the militancy in Kashmir, farmer suicides in Maharashtra, Gujarat, rape of humans and rich resources in Chhattisgarh, Orissa, the North-east, mass murders of the marginalized sections in the society all across, state capitalism. all this affects me as much as the serial bomb blasts by "the outsiders" (though it is not confirmed yet who did it!) in my own city over the years. in fact much more! i feel more rage and bitterness when "the insiders" - the government and us citizens, cannot care for and take care of our own nation as one unit. or tackle corruption, crimes, inequalities, environmental degradation, etc. within.
religion, patriotism, equality, urbanization, development, globalization, war, terrorism, justice, hatred, revenge, nationalism (hyper!), etc. are big words and have different meanings for different people. i wish the two words "humanity" and "compassion" had the same meaning for all of us.

frangipani dreams...

2011-06-30T01:23:00.013+05:30

there were days when i used to wake up with these recurring dreams of a quaint little house in a quaint little town with dainty little bushes full of flowers and creepers as a fence. iron gates are so not my style! of course, there was a charming not-so-little garden surrounding the gorgeous little home as well.
ah! the garden had it all - every possible tree (with/without fruits but with a whole lot of shade), plants, potted herbs, flowers, butterflies, birds, birdhouses, feeders, bushes, vegetables, fountain, creepers, ferns, honeybees,...it also had one very basic sturdy little swing hanging from a banyan tree!
and there are 2 images that still remain vivid in my memory:
1. myself on that swing.
2. a courtyard full of frangipani flowers. and the aroma from the flowers stimulating my entire being.

sigh...

in the real world though, my sister and i were quite fortunate enough to have a little patch of land for a garden when we stayed in the BARC quarters. we fulfilled all our over-enthusiastic dreams of gardening by growing every possible thing there with the much-needed help from our father (our love for gardening comes from him!). it was a secret little world we disappeared into after coming back from school every single day. we were deeply attached to that space for a long long time. we carry on living with much fond memories of our 'lessons and little adventures in the garden'.
and now i consider myself lucky again to have a quaint little terrace all for myself. it remains a poor substitute for any garden of course but atleast i get to indulge myself a bit as far as my love for all things green and gardening is concerned :-)). a few months back i happened to pick up the frangipani (plumeria pudica or wild plumeria) plant from a local nursery and it hasn't stopped flowering ever since. touchwood. day in and day out, the smiles of the flowers make my days worthwhile! if not a 'courtyard', they sure fill up my terrace and verandah with much happiness :-)

here are a few shots only for your eyes!

all the photographs taken by me

and besides these flowers, there is someone else who knows just how to make my day - Suranga m'am! she instantly came up with a lovely verse for it after i posted a photograph on FB :-))
here are those lines translated by her in english for you ::

A hot and sultry May afternoon
at the family homestead in Konkan,
little girl cousins at grandma's,
playing in soft frilled white summer frocks;
the Sagargota stones have been abandoned,
for the liquid gold of the Raiwal mango,
squeezed,slurped and swallowed,
as is,
while the yellow gold drips indulgently
on to the pristine white innocence....

And while grandma takes a nap,
nearby,
the creaking of the old swing,
the giggles,
and plundering of mangoes continues,
in the mind,
making you smile,
hot and sultry,
this Monday morning in Mumbai...
- Suranga Date

for the original delightful description and actual poem in marathi, please visit her blog here.

Life! Oh Life...

2011-06-25T23:06:00.028+05:30

2 things happened last sunday within a span of 12 hours. one human broke my trust. another human reaffirmed it. one is 50+ and the other is only about 5. one i have known for about a year now and the other 'met' me for all of a minute or two. so i choose to talk only about the 5 year old instead because the 50+ year old breaking my trust is not even worth occupying space in my mind or the blog!

there is something about kids and me. am fond of them is an understatement. i love them! i grew up with them (we all do i know i know!). but i literally grew up with kids around me all the time. my aai attracted kids i guess. so whether it was neighbours, relatives or couples in our residential township looking for someone to babysit their kids for a few hours after school, we were always surrounded by them. i actually feel heartbroken sometimes when a kid fails to warm upto me. i see it as some shortcoming in me if they don't happen to like me. yes am 'weird' i admit :-) i still love and used to look forward to all the bonding with the kids (ESPECIALLY loved the way they came running towards me to be in my arms after i used to come back from school/college/office! :D )

(okay thy will not digress from the topic!)

since the time i shifted to the new home and started working from home for past 1 year and more, i have become 'more' aware of and begun to appreciate all the sounds around me. esp. those of the lovely birds who visit my door, windows and terrace throughout the day. apart from that, there are tons of other sounds which fall under different categories! one such sound(s) is that of the kids in my residential complex. they play, fight, giggle, joke around, crib, discuss school/studies/friends, cry, sing, dance, brag, shout, scream, chase the dogs, trouble the cats, celebrate and do a lot of masti. their mums yell at them for - not eating food on time, getting hurt, ruining clothes, fighting with neighbours' kids, getting late, studies, etc etc. i am a silent witness to all of this (it's a very middle-class neighbourhood with a strong sense of community bonding unlike people living in tower buildings / closed apartments) and i only realize how much i truly miss it all when i don't 'hear' these sounds once in a while. they keep a wonderful and amusing company to my lonely weekdays. and no i have never met any of these moms and their children till date as they happen to live in the buildings behind my building wing entrance so we never even bump into each other whenever i step out of home. or even if i might have bumped into them in the local markets i wouldn't have really known who is who! :D

(okay thy will not digress from the topic!)

there is one such mommy and her 2 sons i have grown to be fond of :-) the kids are called 'Sonu' and 'Monu'! am quite confident if she comes in front of me, i'd be able to recognize her the moment she 'speaks' something.

so on sunday afternoon, i was lazying around reading a book post a sumptuous breakfast and lunch (I live to EAT!). there was a knock at the door and not the usual doorbell ringing through my ears. i opened the main door to find myself peering at two 3-feet high boys through the grill door. they said their cricket ball had landed on my terrace so they had come to take it back and resume their play. i asked them if they are sure about this. they said, "haan didi. hamare saath jo bada ladka khelta hai, usne dekha jab woh cricket ball upar terrace pe ja ke gira!". so i asked them to wait till i go upstairs and check if it's really there. it had actually landed on the terrace hiding right behind the leg of a stool i keep there for some of my planters. i got it downstairs and asked them playfully what do i get in return for giving back the ball to them.

the elder one: "didi, you get a 'thank-you' from us with a smile!"

me: "well, that's not enough!"

the elder one: "aapko kya chahiye, didi?"

me: "i want a chocolate or toffee in return"

the elder one: "okay! i promise"

i grinned and while handing back the ball to them asked the elder one his name. pat came the reply, "Sonu and this is my brother Monu"!

aaaaaah i wanted to dance and scream and hug the kids so bad that very moment. call me silly, stupid, mad and what-you-wish but that's how madly happy i was that day :D so i just about managed to compose myself and said "Oooooh! Sonu!!!!! soooo glad to meet you!" :D (and this is what i actually wanted to say - i know you and your little brother too well and say 'hi' to your mommy as well! :D :D but i controlled myself lest they'd think am one crazy didi!). they ran away with the ball with a 'thank you' echoing back at me from the staircase :D i closed the doors with a huge grin pasted on my face and got back to my dream world (aka reading). after about 10-15 minutes, there was another knock at the door. i actually wondered if it is my neighbour next-door bringing over some non-veg lunch for me which she usually does on sunday afternoons (yes my neighbours also know by now just HOW MUCH I LOVE FOOD! am SUPER-BLESSED! :D ) with a spring in my step i opened the door and there they were again - the duo 'Sonu and Monu'! i asked them, "what is it? is the cricket ball again on the terrace?? he gave a sheepish smile and shook his head (saying 'no'). while i looked away puzzled at both of them, his tiny hand reached up through the grilled door and passed on 1 tiny toffee bar of Melody (it used to be our favourite when we were kids :D :D). okay by now i can't even express in so many words what went through my head and heart that very moment. am no wordsmith. i had forgotten all about the toffee and the promise and the kid cared to go down and get one for me so he could keep his promise! :D the toffee must have cost them a mere 50 paise (half an Indian Rupee) but for me the whole experience that afternoon remains extremely precious and priceless in the whole wide world! i thanked them profusely and tapped on their heads and ruffled their hair a bit and let them go. i closed the door and jumped up and down and round and round with overflowing joy :D :D after all this i had one BIG MANGO to celebrate the moment!

“Sometimes”, said Pooh, “the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” - A.A. Milne

gulabo

2011-05-19T02:17:00.010+05:30

that's what i happen to call my rose plant and this is my first rose plant ever! i do not remember us having one in our previous garden either. gulabo bloomed after a good 2-3 weeks in the month of april this year and i could not resist myself from capturing its pristine beauty :-) and as if THAT was not exciting enough, Suranga m'am managed to surprise me with yet another lovely interpretation in form of words :-))

here are two shots of my gulabo in full-bloom on the terrace along with the verse penned by the versatile poet.

Add caption

both the photographs taken by me

Wet aromas of mud,
potting, eggshell powder
and concentric channels in soil
holding water,
as the mud,
seeing and knowing a good thing ,
rushes to pile itself up at the roots.

The obsession with color,
and the desperation
to emerge beautifully bright.

It's only when the sun shines
on it,
that it is clear, that
despite the charms of color,
whether your mind inside,
is black or white,
or even a grey,
depends on how well
you mix with
a neutral society
around you.

- Suranga Date

You can access the original post described more vividly here :-)

:-))

2011-05-14T22:52:00.013+05:30

and oh coming back to dates, it has been exactly 1 whole year today of survival, strength, weaknesses, independence, responsibilities, happy revelations, sad findings, self-discoveries, getting bitten by various 'bugs', freedom, liberties coming with a lot of self-control/discipline, happiness, heartbreak, celebrations, fresh beginnings and some unfortunate endings, detachments and new attachments, tests (medical and the other kinds), medications, conquering old fears and battling new ones too, pride, possessions, separations, forging of some unexpected bonds, dreaming new dreams and fading away of a few, loneliness, expectations and acceptances, choices made willingly and some unwillingly, sense of loss and elsewhere belonging, overwhelming and reassuring love n support from all my loyal sweethearts :-)

could not think of a better way to end this post. so here's one gem of a poem (penned by a blogger friend Satyanshu Singh! the poem, story, script, lyrics, music, performances, the film 'Udaan' released in the year 2010 remain eternally precious to me).

छोटी-छोटी छितराई यादें

बिछी हुई हैं लम्हों की लॉन पे
नंगे पैर, उनपर चलते चलते इतनी दूर आ गए हैं,
कि भूल गए हैं जूते कहाँ उतारे थे ...

एड़ी कोमल थी जब आये थे
थोड़ी-सी नाज़ुक है अब भी
और नाज़ुक ही रहेगी
इन खट्टी मीठी यादों की शरारत
जब तक इन्हें गुदगुदाती रहे
सच..भूल गए हैं कि जूते कहाँ उतारे थे
पर लगता है अब इनकी ज़रुरत नहीं ...

an Ode to my 'Sandals'!

2011-05-06T01:10:00.012+05:30

all of today my mind kept wandering. sensing something amiss. maybe someone's birthday or anniversary or wedding or due date or launch or...phew! checked both my phones, my online diary. even logged onto FB after a week almost just so that i get some clue as to know why exactly this date seemed to linger on. nothing rushed to my rescue. then read an unexpected line in an unexpected mail from an unexpected sender and it all fell in place magically. "dimaag ki batti jal gayi" moment happened! :-)

i love 5th may just as much i love 10th april just as much i love hundred other dates etched in my memory for all sorts of reasons. one of those 'perfect' days full of 'perfect' moments. (not that the perfectness of it matters to me much. i love imperfections as much more often than not in people, places, preferences, situations. it keeps my interest alive! ;-)

one of the several perfectly magical moments i was blessed with that day is posted below. i cherish this pic a lot would surely be an 'understatement'!

photograph by Parag Mahale (May'09)

one of my adorable blogger friends - Mrs. Suranga Date, spotted this one on my profile more than a month back and penned a soulful ode to my sandals. the satire on her blog is something i look forward to always for all the tongue-in-cheek humour and insight she unfailingly provides with every post. you can't imagine just HOW surprised and full of glee i was when i read the verse :-) :-) have a look pretty please!

Some sandals
stick to the owner
everywhere,
absorbing every cut,
pokey stone,
lash of cow dung
and wet mud,
but
keeping the feet
clean,
unfeeling,
and the person
devoid of nerves...

But some,
like a good friend,
share the heat of the road
on a summer afternoon,
the stumble across
an innocent pebble,
inadvertent puddle thumps,
the little scratches
of stuff in the sand,
and stand
patiently aside,
encouraging and waiting,
as you decide to get your feet wet
in some new waters
once again...
And when a
particularly big wave
of something arrives,
and you run back,
they remain,
overcome by the foam,
but bravely facing up,
faithfully waiting for you....
- Suranga Date

and here's the link to it on her blog of poems. all of them are inspired by a broad spectrum of moments captured by different people. hope you enjoy them as much as i do! :-)

October-November-December!

2010-10-29T02:12:00.013+05:30

all those who know me well, know just HOW MUCH since childhood i love this quarter of the year. and no, it is not just for all the festivals, the onset of winter, gifts, birthdays of my favourite people or the new year. it is all that and so much more. i completely transform into this state of being chirpier and happier. this quarter has always held for me in life, the promise of something/someone better. though last year was an exception, except for the beginning of my photography affair!

am madly, deeply in love again after a very long time; with myself, my lovely home, my plants, cooking, some extremely wonderful friends and family who have stood by me through thick and thin, my crazy pursuits, my work, my dreams. life itself! i feel like i am the lead actor of the story/film on my life, thoroughly enjoying the performance and looking forward to the script/drama/music every single day i wake up. and i do not care as of this very moment exactly 'who' the audience is as long as i am having a gala time!

and yes, the 'bucket-list' is getting quite exciting and longer day by day. two words which define my contentment with the world in general and myself in particular today: space and pace. if these 2 things are in place, nothing could go wrong with any quarter of the year, right? ;-)

oh november! where art thou?

anticipating much,
k

choices

2010-09-28T04:19:00.011+05:30

life is full of choices galore. happy. sad. good. bad. crazy. fun. serious. dumb.

even when we are supposedly in our darkest of moments, it is only because we tend to forget we really have a choice!

i have only a faint idea about what all changed in last 15 days. i am feeling so much more lighter n happier in my head n heart after speaking to 2 of my dearest friends. am glad i have them back in my life. one friend, i took an effort to reach out to and another friend, reached out to me now that his memories are coming back slowly :) :)

as if all the worries and tensions of last 2 months suddenly got wiped away on hearing his voice, 'kalluuuu', taunts, laughter, musings, ramblings on phone for all of 45 minutes. 'happiness' is an understatement. i still don't know if he's going to be fully alright. i will continue to have faith in his doctors, medicines and the divine power above us :)

life becomes so much more easier and smooth when you choose to accept the reality and get on with life. at least now i know that i can reach out to him. that thought certainly reassures and how.

and yes, a lot of things are turning out in my favour without even wishing or praying for them once. never really sat and visualized about this life till i actually started living it. and it has sure been one crazy roller-coaster ride so far. touchwood. i sure don't want to get off it for a long long time to come. my one choice 6 months back has led to a plethora of choices for me.

thank god for everything, everyone. and thank god for all that i do not have and all those i could not have in my life too. all the 'NO's led me towards where i stand, and breathe free and independent today.

aah. i choose to remain blessed for now! ;)

काही तरी जुळून येतय...

2010-09-21T03:13:00.002+05:30

सकाळ पासून हुरहूर आहे मनात
कि काही तरी जुळून येतय
चित्र अद्याप इतकं स्पष्ट नाहीये
पण काही तरी जुळून येतय

:o)

probably

2010-09-06T04:08:00.010+05:30

5.45 am and i am still wide awake. all set to welcome the first morning of this busy week probably.

the 'bad' that i was dreading to happen, happened last month to my best friend. the only person who once dared to compete with me in 'talking' much, who admitted he just can't match my skills and always declared me a winner in the talking category will probably never talk to me ever!

he has had his revenge i guess. he never thought he could manage to stop me from talking. he never thought i would be short for words ever. he never thought i could do anything but be his ever smiling, happy, encouraging, loving, talkative, sunshine girl.

today am speechless. not because of him but because of what has happened to him, his life. i am in no mood to fight with god for god knows best. he favours some. my friend and i are..were of the firm opinion that god has always been partial to special kids like us since childhood. we are who we are today because of those favours probably. time n again god tests our patience, love n faith, willingness to forgive n forget, desire to live, dream, do good. we have become only better at facing these tests and passing out with flying colours!

but my hold onto faith is not as tight as it used to be, the selfish friend in me realizes today. i have lost my best friend to something even worse than death, over and above a dozen others i have lost in last 2 years. the only person who gave me so much space in our friendship, has entered some unknown space himself where he does not remember the existence of anybody in his life of past 15 years.

i have only some heart-warming, crazy memories of time spent with him and all my insecurities to live by now.

बिछडे सभी बारी बारी...

am too scared these days to make new friends or to trust or to get attached or to get close to. they leave or they change or they pretend to change or they take away my close friends from me or they do things they think will be best for me without realizing that sometimes things can backfire for worse!..or sometimes god takes them away from me!

am too scared these days of losing the only close friend i have today besides my precious sister.

but i do not want to end this post on a sad note. last night i finally managed to see a wonderful movie i have been wanting to for some time. it features a song very close to my heart. it talks about 'hope'.

कहानी ख़त्म है, या शुरुवात होने को है

सुबह नयी है यह, या फिर रात होने को है

आने वाला वक़्त देगा पनाहें,

या फिर से मिलेंगे दो राहें,

खबर क्या, क्या पता...

...

2010-07-22T03:21:00.007+05:30

lost another battle this morning..

but like someone said, "you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it".

बस क्या god!

2010-07-11T05:13:00.015+05:30

dear god,

am disturbed. very!

good things always happen to good people i have been told time and again. bad things happen more often than not the way i see it right now!

the 'good' person here is someone who means the world to me and something 'bad' is happening or on the verge of happening. maybe. we will know for sure in a month's time. maybe.

i do not panic when it comes to big issues or decisions in life and since he appeared so calm, cool and mature while conveying the piece of news sometime back, it was easier to listen to if not react or grasp. no the shock hasn't sunk in yet so here i am disturbed if not panic or worry-stricken. and all i can do for now is laugh about it alongwith him like we crack up about million other things in our lives and around us. the gang at his behest managed to pull a fast one on me even from that much-dreaded place. that is the kind of person he is. blessed with an incomparable wit and a creative presence of mind. someone i've grown to love so much over the last couple of years since the time i've known him. he never ceases to amaze me come what may! am yet to meet someone as crazy as him. i know my bestest friend will face this situation as bravely as he is and nothing is going to break or pull him down. am glad i can be there for him when he'd need me the most alongwith others.

my first reaction after i heard the 'bad' news was as always 'why him'! that's how we all react for people we love isn't it. this question never crops up when the news is 'good' though. we're like that only. us humans. the very next moment the question changed to as always 'who him'! yes god, for you he's just like million others you need to take care of am aware and that you will very well i believe. but the answer to 'who him' is very important for me right now. he's someone am in awe of and have looked up to with much respect, trust, admiration and love from day one. i know you wouldn't give him anything he cannot handle or does not deserve. so right now i do not want him or any of us to worry and i'd rather just pray that things work out for him eventually cos he's someone who has always done only good in life be it for his family, friends, community, city, society, ..

please please please take care of him god is my humble request to you today. and i only hope he comes out much stronger and happier out of this 'situation' in life! :-)

faith is all i have to offer. in him and you.

बेधुंद

2010-07-01T02:41:00.020+05:30

गेले कित्येक दिवस थोडेफार तरी लिहावे असे स्वतःला सांगतेय..म्हणून आज मुद्दाम वेळ काढला आणि ते सुद्धा मातृभाषेत लिहिण्या करीता (ह्या करीता सुशीलाचे आभार मानेन मी :-). जास्त काही नाही निव्वळ १० मिनिटे झोपण्या पूर्वीची.

तर लिहिण्यास कारण हे कि आज तारीख '१ जुलै, २०१०' (नाही ह्या तारखेची काही खास आठवण अशी नाहीये माझ्या मनात किंवा कल्पनेत). सहा महीने कुठच्या कुठे पळून/उडून गेले कळले सुद्धा नाही. एका अर्थी बरेच झाले म्हणा. ह्याचा अर्थ हा की मी माझे आयुष्य जगण्यात बर्यापैकी तल्लीन झाले होते. २९ डिसेंबर, २००९ रोजी मी माझ्या आयुष्यात जे काही बदल करण्याचे ठरवले होते ते सगळे करण्यात अक्षरशः गुंतून गेले होते.

सगळ्याच गोष्टी मनासारख्या झाल्याच असे नाही म्हणणार पण कोणतीही गोष्ट वाईट, नकारात्मक, मनाला दुख देणारी, हळव करणारी किंवा पश्चाताप करायला लावणारी झाली नाही अर्थात मी होऊ दिली नाही. मैत्री, नोकरी, स्वप्ने, नाती-गोती, परिवार, सामाजिक जबाबदार्या, प्रेम ह्या सगळ्याच बाबतीत चढ-उतार हे नेहमीच येणार आहेत. ह्या सगळ्यांपासून पळून जाणे अशक्य आहे. आज राहून राहून फक्त एकच गोष्ट सतत जाणवतेय कि मी ह्या सगळ्या परिस्तिथीना सामोरे जाण्यासाठी आज समर्थ आहे. मी स्वतःला कधीही दुर्बळ समजले नाही. २००८-२००९ ह्या कालावधीत मी स्वतःबद्दल आणि माझ्या अवतीभवतीच्या लोकांबद्दल भरपूर काही शिकले. हे शिक्षण मला जन्मभर पुरणारे असे आहे. ह्या सगळ्या करीता मी माझ्या आई-वडिलांची आणि लहान बहिणीची सदैव ऋणी राहेन :-)

२ महिन्यांपूर्वी मी जो निर्णय घेतला तो किती चूक किंवा अचूक हे मला माहित नाही. मला फक्त एवढं माहित आहे कि आज मी आनंदी/समाधानी आहे. खर्या अर्थाने स्वातंत्र्य उपभोगत आहे. हा निर्णय निव्वळ एक अट्टाहास नसून कुणाच्याहि दबावाला न घाबरता जगण्यासाठी एकुलता एक पर्याय समजून जगतेय. माझी स्वप्ने मी पूर्ण करू शकेन ह्या विश्वासात जगतेय. आयुष्यात ध्येय, आवाहने लाभली तर जगण्याला वेगळीच नशा आणि धुंदी अनुभवयाला मिळते.

आज मी नशेत आहे आणि जराशी बेधुंद ही :-) :-)

- शुभ रात्री,

कल्याणी

...

2010-04-10T13:01:00.000+05:30

long live mesmerizing music!

2010-04-08T11:25:00.008+05:30

loved it loved it loved it, now that i've finally watched it! :D

came out feeling that i didn't have enough of it..that wish it could go on for some more time..that a lot more people could come n watch this instead of just the handful of us (read: 5) in the theater..that people don't know what they are missing in life..that wish indian ocean keeps coming up with their brilliant music for fans like us for years to come :-)

\m/ long live good music! \m/

ecstacy n agony

2010-04-08T10:10:00.004+05:30

exactly a year since i said yes to a proposition which led to 4 months of ecstacy n 8 months of agony..no regrets whatsoever except for that lingering feeling that i shouldn't have got carried away in those last few days..shouldn't have believed all words which were uttered, better still shouldn't have heard them in 1st place..sometimes people you look upto don't really mean what they say, i realised it the hard way..should have stuck to my original plan after saying yes to the proposition and got on with my life..but those words took me to some other world..instead of coming back to reality, for too long i stayed, and somehow i failed..in the process my life almost got derailed..aaarrrggghh!

today i wish to have only fond memories of those 4 months instead of torturing myself time n again over those 8 months..terribly cliched but here it goes ::

“i

hold it true, whatever befall; i feel it, when i sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost t

han never to have loved at all.

”

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

LOLLY!

2010-03-31T18:05:00.007+05:30

LOLLY - that's my new nick name for the past couple of weeks..cos i 'LOL' a lot more than required..i actually do 'laugh out loud' excessively non-stop in 'real' life..so much so that i wonder at times if i'd die of a heart attack due to too much of laughter..have you ever heard of someone dying this way? what a fun way (to die)! i'd prefer that any day!..n i really do wish that other people around me would laugh more often too..there is so much joy, fun or absolute nonsensical stuff happening around us all the time!

"the most wasted day in life, the day in which we have not laughed" - charlie chaplin

..that i would be loved..

2010-03-12T14:08:00.016+05:30

haven't visited this space for a while..here are a few lines from alanis morissette which reflect my state of mind ::

that i would be good even if i did nothing
that i would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that i would be good if i got and stayed sick
that i would be good even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even if i went bankrupt
that i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great if i was no longer queen
that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved even when i numb myself
that i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
that i would be loved even when i was fuming
that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity
that i would be good
whether with or without you!!

class product from the 'factory'!!

2010-02-10T13:05:00.004+05:30

it's so difficult to be simple sometimes... but this movie does that with utmost simplicity!

there wasn’t a single person in the theatre who wasn’t having a hearty laugh during the show..after wonderful movies like shwaas, tingya, sukhant, natrang, jhenda, etc. this is one recent marathi film which really tickled my funny bones..a very charming n delightful account of the making of 1^st motion picture Raja Harishchandra by the awe-inspiring Dadasaheb Phalke who founded the great Indian cinema during the British rule..every Indian who loves cinema owes it to this man for bringing this wonderful magic to our soil..it’s compact (90 mins. only), with no frills / stars, witty, light (reminded me much of Malgudi Days, Charlie Chaplin), a very positive tale which looks more like an adventure..

Mr.Phalke a.k.a ‘professor kelpha’ comes across as eccentric, sharp, witty, someone who is determined to bring his vision to fruition with his wide-eyed innocence and a huge passion for cinema..you can only feel tender sympathy for the characters who appear sincere in their efforts in dealing with all the difficulties and opportunities present in that era, place and scenario..Mr. n Mrs. Kelpha seemed like a fun couple! i actually came out of the cinema hall feeling that even ordinary and powerless people can do extraordinary things :-)

..the script n dialogues were wow n ably supported by the brilliant cast n performances..the back-ground track n art direction were equally good.

halatya chitrancha vijay aso! :)

fab feb!

2010-02-02T23:59:00.008+05:30

this day shall definitely be remembered for more reasons than one! and am thankful! :-)

don't remember dreaming or aspiring much for anything in life except for those little joys since i was a 'little' kid..but today when am a 'slightly bigger' kid, i have this strong urge to dream big & work hard n smart towards making a few of my desires come true..

here's a wonderful quote i came across a few hours ago,

"as a tale, so is life; not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters." - Seneca

giddy-headed goat!

2010-01-22T00:38:00.010+05:30

hehe..that's me! ;-)

can't stop grinning from ear to ear since past 1 hr..just 20 posts old but this blog has become a source of unlimited joy for me today! :-)

can't thank enough or for that matter even 'think' enough at the moment, so might as well hit the bed n head for my deep slumber..the unending crazy fun n hooplah starts from tommorrow!

life :: looking forward??

k :: yeah, ABSOLUTELY!! ;-D

kabhi socha na tha..

2010-01-09T00:20:00.002+05:30

..that i'll end up being fond of abhay deol (the only other deol i was ever fond of is dharmendra since his bandini, anupama, chupke chupke days)! though i admit i'd loved his n ayesha takia's presence in his debut flick socha na tha, i never ever thought he would go on to carve a niche for himself without flexing his muscles or the famous surname!

will continue this post tommorrow..

busy! who me???

2010-01-07T00:14:00.004+05:30

yessss..i can't believe it myself that am back to being busy again..the way it used to be in those days gone by..thinking about things i love mulling over, doing things i love being a part of, being with people i love spending time with, relishing FOOD, smiling, talking, dreaming, giggling, blushing, enjoying my long forgone SLEEP!! in fact am already dreading next week if i don't have anything lined up for any day on the calendar..but knowing me, something will be up my sleeve in a jiffy ;-)

n i so miss blogging already! ha! but i'll be back soon my dearest blog cos' this is one space which will always be truly mine to keep coming back to in life just like my family n friends back in the 'real' world!! :-)

i am already making n stashing away notes on stuff i want to write about somewhere in my head all the time..

till then..love is all i feel! :-)

pssssst..after 14 long years, the balance in my bank a/c is back to being what it'd started out to be n i have absolutely no idea where my next inflow is going to come from to pay my bills but i still find myself SMILING..i think i've 'be'come slightly INSANE! jokes apart, whoever reads this post, please pray that i get a job soon..all my dreams n efforts need prayers too cos' i do believe in the power of a heart-felt prayer!! ~ hugs

'new' is overdue!

2010-01-01T21:46:00.019+05:30

1st post of 2010!!! here's wishing a wonderful new year and life to all those who stumble upon this post..

it's been a week full of blessings so far..couldn't have asked for a better birthday at the turn of this decade (yay! am around for 3 decades now and still don't feel like it in my head yet!)..i can't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that so many of my friends actually remember me still even though i've tried my best to fade into oblivion for last 2 yrs now..some wishes were so touching that i was in tears after reading them! the week and the year ended beautifully with a small get together at a friend's place last night with everyone wishing all n sundry for a great year ahead..i won't deny that i'd a great time myself! there are too many new year messages and wishes in form of e-mails n sms's to respond to..

2009 was indeed one crazy year when i look back..i don't know how i'd feel about it 10 yrs. down the line, though as of now i only wish for some magical power to erase it all n set it all 'right' for me..flashback to 2009 is way too clear n right here in front of my eyes..at the moment, am acutely n painfully aware of all that i experienced from jan' to dec'..except for my non-stop weekend treks from aug' thru oct', am not really proud of a lot many things i thought or actually did last year! it sure was a year of awakening to reality with a sharp jerk..so sharp that am yet to recover fully from the state of shock..lot of things went wrong, didn't work out, things which took me by surprise (pleasant n otherwise), shook me for a long while and consumed me with a sense of wonder, longing, loneliness, wanting a closure..sometimes i still find myself looking for answers, figuring out what, why happened and if i really deserve it all! if someone ever decides to delete year 2009 from my 'record of life', i'd be only too glad..but the year wasn't all that bad either when i really 'think' about it..it taught me a lot too about myself n others, so i suppose 2010 will be the year to implement those learnings..there were things/feelings i experienced for the 1st time ever which took me to a different level as a human..i also realised the extent to or intensity with which i could give n love unconditionally without holding back or expecting much in return..also, there were lot many swell moments i can only look back with fondness and cherish for years to come..AND i have also realised 'all over again' the ever-lasting significance of family and friends in my life! you cannot really LIVE (in a real sense of the word) WITHOUT your support system, without people who care about you and are there for you giving unconditional love n support ALL the time (esp. my MOM!)..am completely incomplete without all those who touched my soul at some point or other in life and helped me 'be' who i am..i remain in gratitude and compassion! it takes a harder blow to help you emerge much stronger n beautiful in life :-)

on my birthday i've vowed to : :

actually act upon all that i have listed below,
continue to be my crazy self but with more focus, less impulse, more control, less delays, more gumption, less babble (am sure atleast someone will be happy to read this!), more strength, less insecurities, more smiles n hugs,
forgive (forgetting takes time!) and make peace with 'myself',
make the next 30 yrs of my life count in more ways than one,
be a better n dependable daughter, sister, friend and citizen,
reach out to as many people as possible esp. all my closest friends who've meant so much to me over last 15-20 years and even those who am yet to meet or know,
keep myself occupied with something or other whether it's at work or play, so that unwanted clutter or negative thoughts do not have a scope to enter my being,
get my career back in shape,
learn as many new things as possible along the way,
exlpore more places,
and last but most important - keep up with my dates with the mountains! :-) :-)

if i come up with more later, will sure add them here..i shall strive to keep my word n not let myself down again! till then cheers to all new beginnings along with nurturing the good old stuff within!

~ love n hugs,

psssssst...the pic above has nothing much to do with this post directly as such..it shows FOOD n i happen to LOVE food! after going through terrible patches of health issues for last 5-6 months, am finally back to eating (read: satiating my infamous extra healthy appetite!) like before..so now the weight lost via wrong means will be maintained via right means this year!! cheers to a healthy 2010 ahead :-)

posted present :-)

2009-12-31T19:30:00.007+05:30

one of the bestest gifts on my birthday this year from one of my bestest friends! :-) :-)

http://jessblah.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/yo-kay/

~ k

inspiring idiots indeed!

2009-12-28T14:35:00.005+05:30

finally! the movie i looked forward to for sooo long this year released on 25th this month n i got around seeing it only yesterday with my sis in tow..again, i am not going to review this one..it is just one of those things i simply feel like talking about..and i might as well warn you in advance that i'll come across as very biased, after all this movie has aamir khan (for those who don't know me, i actually find it quite difficult to be objective as far as aamir khan n rahul dravid are concerned..am one of their loyal fans since the time they started out in their respective careers! :-)..and no my bias is not just to do with aamir.. i love movies which are full of wit n also make you ponder a bit ;-)

i read it somewhere that aamir would like everyone to watch this movie (nothing new!)..the reason i would also like everyone to watch this movie is not so that it makes more money for the people concerned, it is because it deserves to be seen by everyone in our country; and not just the youth but more so the elders! the noteworthy message in the film ought to reach everyone pronto..both the writers rajkumar hirani & abhijat joshi have taken efforts to come up with a story full of optimism, affable characters n dialogues which the audiences instantly connect with (like they did in Munnabhai series)..it ‘not-so-seriously’ talks about our ‘not-so-sound’ education system which encourages - rote learning, ranking system and appeasing society’s notions of ‘success’ n ‘promising careers’!

‘aal ij well’ works for me as much as ‘jaadu ki jhappi’ did few years back..3 idiots is a typical hirani style of cinema (reminds me of hrishikesh mukherjee at times) all the way with ample support from ALL its actors esp. aamir (can’t imagine the flick without him he absolutely steals the show as rancho..after tare zameen par, this is an effortless performance once again..i’d watched ghajini only for its unique storyline n aamir factor but i still prefer memento anyday!) and of course sharman joshi n maddy (i love him since his banegi apni baat days) n omi vaidya (he’s just too good as chaturlingam)!

few other things i loved about the movie : :

i want to watch it again to savour it some more!
cinematography esp. the aerial scenes shot over manali, shimla n ladakh…WOW is the word! am still dreaming about those places..
simple, effective lyrics by swanand kirkire (esp. ‘give me some sunshine’) n melodious compositions by shantanu moitra
all throughout the movie i found myself wishing for a friend like rancho in my growing-up years..well, it’s never too late to follow dreams with or without rancho :-)
it’s definitely worth being a part of my list of memorable movies released this year along with Dev D and a FEW others!

ooooh am toooo pleased as punch to write much! :-) :-) :-)

coping with copenhagen conference...

2009-12-26T15:47:00.006+05:30

ha! so it turned out to be 'nothing' but a blame game of sorts aimed at achieving 'nothing' but yo-yo'ing of onus. no single nation or its leaders displayed an iota of willingness to give up their 'today' for a better 'tommorrow'! short-term political n economical gains held more priority at the conference over reduction of carbon footprints or emissions. it was 'business as usual' - 'business of endangering our future'! sigh!! a cohesive climate policy is not a 'survival' concern AS YET for a majority of nations (including India!) in today's world, except for a few like Maldives, Tuvalu, Soloman Islands, etc. (these will be extinct soon, if the sea-levels keep rising)!

but is it really enough to blame the politicians alone for this debacle at the conference??? i do've my reservations..shouldn't we as citizens have a say in this at all? since the masses are still either 'not aware' or 'do not care' about the threats posed by the climate change OR are still majorly fascinated with the ongoing economic crisis, it is coming in the way of demanding a 'safer' future. it is the increased awareness, change in attitudes and involvement amongst the denizens alone that'll make any notable difference in the months or years to come..

i feel too strongly at times on most of the issues related to environment maybe that's why i was looking forward to this conference with little hope. i really wish to see everyone wanting to save environment..is it not possible for 'us' to 'consume less' be it water, electricity, power, fuel, paper, plastic, etc, etc? protecting our forests, greenery, harvesting rainwater, using solar energy, cleaner surroundings, improved garbage disposal, recycling stuff, etc are also possibilities which need not be restricted to being on paper! govts. can do so much anyways..if people do follow certain lifestyle changes in their daily routine, i believe it would go a long way whether anything concrete comes out of such conferences in future or not..

till then 'hope floats'...

scrabble babble

2009-12-17T17:27:00.008+05:30

go ahead! call me an ‘addict’!! i am myself staring in disbelief that besides being addicted to the game am actually blogging about it as well (and that am typing in between min. 15 games of “SCRABBLE” on the go on a social-networking site if you even care to know!)..there’s something about it that makes me wanna play it more n more, to keep up with my 90% winning score! ha!

i feel every 'relationship' leaves you with some new long lasting influences/perspectives, good or bad i shall leave for you to decide..my previous 'relationship' left me with much love for 'scrabble' (besides a couple of other things of course which i'll save for my future posts here!)..so coming back to 'scrabble' - it started out as a game for both of us to pass time n apparently to get to 'know each other better' along the way..i was playing against, and learning my lessons from an expert-cum-addict of the game so you can imagine how disheartening or challenging every game played between us used to be for me! it took me a good more than 15 games to actually manage to defeat him (my 'scrabble guru') ONCE! yeah it happened only ONCE till date but oh boy! i cherish that win for all that it is worth, though the feeling of victory was really short-lived (all of 5 mins. if you care to know!) owing to all the sulking, 'oh i can't be losing a game against a beginner n my-student-at-that so soon', 'i always play to win, i can't afford to lose ever' feelings :-)..i'd vowed that night that i'll NEVER EVER play 'scrabble' with him if it leads to such fights between us! but i was persuaded to think otherwise later..sigh..not that we play anymore (i don't know why!), been 5 months already since our last game..i'd almost given up on the game for long, but got hooked onto it again a month ago..with much practice i've only got better at it (well, i still don't score bingos in every game that i play but it's only getting better! ;-)..i find it extremely stimulating n challenging..it's not so much about 'vocabulary' but about the 'strategy'! i have no idea if the love for 'scrabble' comes from my love for the language or my love for my closest-friend, but either way it's here to stay & make my day every single day! :-)

here' some fun stuff i felt like sharing which i happened to read on a scrabble-lovers group forum on the site where i play, enjoy ::

you know you're addicted to scrabble when,

you're not at all embarrassed after playing words like 'sex' or 'genitalia' if they're high-scoring
you have dreams about getting super bingos
you look up all the two- and three-letter words in your spare time
you have a certain attachment to the words that gave you high scores
you think about strategies during school/work.
you try to figure out what the highest-scoring possible bingo could be
finding a new Z or Q word in a book excites you
you get a rush when you suddenly spot a place to put both your Q and Z
you spend your Friday nights playing multiple games of Scrabble online
you talk to your opponents online more than you talk to your real-life friends
you try to figure out what your opponent is like based on what words he/she puts down
you have a certain hatred of Vs, especially at the end of a game
you get extremely angry when someone takes the spot you were planning to put a super bingo on
you sometimes play against those perverts trying to get dates because you know they'll let you win if you talk to them
you talk about scrabble to your real-life friends way too much
you know most Z, X, J, and Q words

psssssst...i DO NOT fit into all the points listed above, so i suppose i don't qualify to be an 'addict' AS YET! ;-)

babblingly yours,

302010

2009-12-16T12:21:00.003+05:30

do not try to read too much into this title..you won't get it anyways! :P

when i woke up this morning, i realised i would be all of 30 yrs in the year 2010 n all the digits placed together this way were giving me a major kick..hence the new post today! ha!!

rollercoaster ride!

2009-12-14T18:28:00.008+05:30

can’t help wondering aloud, if i’d be allowed to keep the title of this post ‘blank’..i seriously can't think of any appropriate title at the moment & since that's exactly how am feeling too right now – ‘blank' that is, surely you'd believe me!

i did something this noon which i'd wanted to do for a long time now..am i supposed to feel ‘lighter’ cos’ am done with it? so maybe am feeling ‘lighter’ too along with ‘blank’..but frankly speaking, am ‘heavier’ with emotion as well cos' whatever i did today left me feeling totally ‘empty’ inside out!

as far as i can remember, the emotional graph in my life has never been static..it’s always moved to every possible point making my life very ‘interesting’, ‘exciting’ n ‘fulfilling’ to quote a few friends n close friends! only difference this time around being that for past 4 months, it has majorly remained a plummeting curve at any given point of time..i’ve experienced a plethora of emotions esp. over last 6 weeks whether it was impatience, anxiety, ignorance, disappointment, agony, concern, frustration, boredom, madness, caution, disgust, shock, misery, shame, confusion, loneliness, isolation, depression, pressure, self-destruction, distraction, stress, wariness, self-doubt, guilt, fear, sadness, indifference, jumpiness, irritation, panic, tiredness, discomfort, worthlessness, …

YES, i admit i’ve been awfully full of negativity for a long while now and am sure not proud of it cos that’s so ‘unlike’ me! i need to put a full stop to it! and quick!! every passing day am walking this extremely thin line between insanity n some more insanity!!! so tommorrow when i wake up, this is how i wanna feel for all the beautiful days to come ahead of me – good, great, energetic, eager, delighted, cheerful, assured, excited, capable, certain, positive, relaxed, grateful, courageous, secure, stable, happy, interested, confident, inspired, comfortable, sexy, determined, charmed, enthusiastic, proud, empathetic, fascinated, glamorous, hopeful, humorous, loved n loving, playful, at peace, thrilled, sensous!

“once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen!” said Ralph Waldo Emerson..so here i am, looking forward to an absolutely thrilling ride on my very own emotional rollercoaster!!

good marks!

2009-12-09T14:18:00.003+05:30

unlike other kids my age, i was never in a hurry to grow up, attend college, work in an office, get married, make kids n more blah...i loved school! n today i have this crazy crazy urge to go back to school again! :( all i wanna do is study, study n more study n get 'good marks'! sounds crazy doesnt it...but i find so much more comfort in that thought...of course, there are other things too i desire for in life..but right now all i wanna do is go back to my life 22 yrs back when i was completely driven by the idea of standing first in class by getting 'good marks'..this was a result of flunking in 2-3 subjects or getting promoted every year since my 1st grade..embarrassing? yes it used to be mighty embarrassing for me when i couldn't understand a word of english back then and all the subjects except hindi were taught in english..and there was nobody at home who could teach me english and my folks couldn't really afford tuitions for us till 10th grade..i dont know whether it was this embarrassment or the teachers who inspired me or the lovely set of friends i'd around me who got me inclined towards reading english fiction..it led to a drastic change cos i majorly latched onto studies that year and stood 2nd in the class in my 4th grade..since then, the only prayer i recited like a parrot to my fav. god, ganesha was "god, please gimme 'good marks' in every exam i write"! Till my 10th grade, this is all i asked from god unabashedly, shamelessly..well yeah, we (god n i) did talk about other things as well but this is what i 'asked' from him to be specific..n he relented without a whimper every paper, every semester, every unit test, every final exam so that i could stand 1st, 2nd or atleast 3rd in class or an entire batch!! 'good marks' meant the world to me for all the appreciation, approval, a sense of belonging and this innate need to fit in with the outside world (read: family, relatives, neighbours, friends, society!) & also maybe cos there was nothing really 'good' happening in our totally dysfunctional family life!

'paa' packs a punch! :)

2009-12-07T21:51:00.010+05:30

at last! yesterday, i ended up watching a movie all alone @ a cinema hall for the 1^st time ever (i’ve watched a lot of plays all alone in the past) and the experience turned out to be just fine..maybe cos’ the movie happened to be paa, release of which i was looking forward to for sometime now..i do not happen to be a huge fan of either of the B’s..the reason i was looking forward to it was more to do with the fact that this is a 2^nd project of director R. Balki after Cheeni Kum (which am in totally love with still!). here’s one director who loves to ‘think n offer’ something different to the audiences every time n does a darn good job of it too! so far..

naah, am not going to write a review for the movie although i can’t help gushing about it since the last 24 hours..Bachchan Sr. (minus the trademark baritone n tall brooding persona) has pushed the envelope once again and am full of awe n admiration for him! the movie’s surely not ‘perfect’ but it is much much much better n levels ahead of the terrible crap that’s churned out in the name of cinema in bollywood every weekend! barring the media bashing by Bachchan Jr. & a couple of scenes here n there, the movie worked for me all the way without any hichakis (hiccups)!..

here, the story / script / dialogues take the cake (it’s simple, warm, poignant without actually being over the top most of the time!) and everybody has supported with their competent performances be it Auro (his eyes speak a lot here! witty, charming, sharp, smart n no air of self-pity whatsoever!), Mum (wow! Vidya Balan's such a cool n composed single mom!)), Bum (even more wow! it was definitely a pleasant surprise to have Arundhati Nag play a granny on the big screen!), Vishnu (haha!) or Paa (Bachchan Jr. was quite affectionate himself!) in that order..i sooo wished that the movie was called ‘Maa’ instead, given the beautifully balanced bonding portrayed between Mum n Auro..

apart from the above factors, these are the things i absolutely loved about the movie (not in any particular order though) :: credits narration by Mrs. Bachchan, casting, art direction (lot of attention to detail!), cinematography, costume designing (esp. for Vidya’s styling!) & most importantly lyrics n music of the film (incl. the background score!), …

thank you Mr. Balki n the entire team of paa to come up with something so ‘waah’! take a bow Mr. Bachchan, you've earned a huge fan in me with this film at the age of 67!! :) :)

elated for the elephants!

2009-12-06T20:21:00.013+05:30

for once, i’d want to give a ‘jumbo’ hug to our authorities ('Central Zoo Authority' to be precise!) for finally taking the decision (a couple of weeks back) to end the misery of the chained tuskers in all the circuses and zoos in India, and transport them to national parks/sanctuaries. much credit goes to PETA actually for all their groundwork and persistent efforts. all the animals live in absolutely appalling conditions and treated insensitively in captivity! i genuinely hope that enough care will be taken in helping them to adapt to the new surroundings as they’ll be completely on their own in the wild. i also can’t help but worry about the 4-leggeds for the dangers (read: poaching for ivory!) posed by the 2-leggeds!

i am very very fond of these 'gentle giants' since childhood! they are the most cutest, absolutely adorable creatures on this planet as far as am concerned :) :)

hehe...some fun facts about them ::

their trunks can get very heavy! it ain't uncommon to see elephants resting them over a tusk!
they cry, play, have incredible memories, and laugh!
they are sensitive animals where if a baby complains, the entire family will rumble and go over to touch and caress it!
elephants have greeting ceremonies when a friend that has been away for some time returns to the group!
they also grieve at a loss of a stillborn baby, a family member, and in many cases other elephants!
elephants don't drink with their trunks, but use them as "tools" to drink with. This is accomplished by filling the trunk with water and then using it as a hose to pour it into the elephant's mouth!
interestingly, the Asian elephant is more closely related to the extinct mammoth than to the African elephant!
as much as 80 percent of what elephants consume is returned to the soil as barely digested highly fertile manure!
they have a poor hearing, despite having such large ears!
they spend about 16 hours a day eating!
elephant is the only mammal that can't jump. It surely have made the Earth shiver if it were able to jump!
an interesting fact about the tusk, elephants are right and left tusked. the dominant tusk is a little shorter and rounded as against the other tusk!
they're known to take great care of the bones of their dead family members!
did you know an adult elephant poops 80 pounds a day???
it is believed that an elephant can smell water from a distance of three miles!

and now, i can smell my dinner! ;)

change can be changa!

2009-12-05T01:33:00.007+05:30

i don't know what all contributed to this.

i don't know if this is temporary or permanent..

never in my wildest dreams, did i anticipate it happening...

BUT i am a different person today!

and i am curiously looking forward to this turning point with all the new challenges it poses,

LIFE definitely begins all over again at 30 for me!! ;)

you live, you learn!

2009-11-14T19:23:00.010+05:30

have logged in after really long,

only to post the lyrics of a song,
very dear to my heart for more than a decade now...
umpteen no. of times i must've hummed it all along
with my two dear friends Lorraine n Michelle,
as it felt so much more right n made us belong! :)

if i do remember right, we used to sing along almost all tracks of Alanis Morissette back then...we're ardent fans of her persona, her music, her lyrics, ..! i can't even get around explaining the sheer joy i feel when sometimes her tracks pop out of the shuffle list in my desktop or i-pod! aah..we so wish we could attend one of her concerts someday!!here go the lyrics of the song 'You Learn' from the album 'Jagged Little Pill' (one of my all-time-favourite albums!) ::

Ooh, ooh, ooh...
I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles
You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn
I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone..I certainly do
I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time..Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn
I, I, oh, oh
Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually, anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend
You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn
You grieve you learn, you choke you learn
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn
You pray you learn, you ask you learn
You live you learn!!!

hope those lines above made some sense to whoever bothered to read this post today...
still 'learning' a lot from 'life',
love from k

little clueless n a lot more 'flu'less! :)

2009-08-31T23:52:00.019+05:30

been down with FLU n a severe chest congestion for almost a week now! down, breathless n voiceless...acc. to the doc, should take couple of days more for me to recover...whatever! n thanks to ganpati bappa, it's not SWINE FLU!! ;)
alrite, this post is not about me gloating about my sickness...i guess i just wanted to start with an excuse as to why i took 3 long weeks to post anything at all...unlike what i'd promised myself last time about being more regular with the posts here! thats me! lazy me! ;)
i guess am takin’ a little too long to:
a) get used to a certain way of life for past 1 month now (we survived a good 4 weeks already without each other! not bad! we sure deserve a pat for this, P! :),
b) figure out what is it that i really want to do with my life ahead! n nope this is something i still haven't figured out YET! so...
today, i shall share 3 things which gave me endless pleasure in last 3 weeks despite my current ‘wonky’ state of mind…

1. i actually gathered the courage to call up N (one of my closest friends for more than a decade now! wow!) n speak to her after 12 long months!! thank u n love u lovely, a lot! (umm…well, there are still few more people in my list of to-be-called-up-n-apologized-to as yet! :(

2. it was more of an impulsive decision to be a part of 'THE GREAT WALL OF MUMBAI’ project... the moment i read about this event on facebook, i so wanted to be part of it no matter what. Fortunately for me, Mr.Tauntas (another important friend in my life, am very much in awe of!) as expected was also attending it.. i offered to help him out with whatever he would decide to paint on the wall that day...n bingo! i joined him on 15th of Aug'09 early morning at Mahim end…we began painting 3 of our chosen walls with 3 of his different concepts in mind. The air was vibrant! everyone present there was vibrant…oh you bet i felt like a kid there with so many colours, brushes, ideas, creative people n a HUGE n WIDE dream canvas around! it rained as well for that added thrill in the middle of it all! All of us were there to literally paint the town red on the eve of India’s Independence day..i cant even do enough justice to express how i or others might have felt…it’s not like i’ve never been part of voluntary community service or projects before, nevertheless every time you do something for your people, city, country, it only makes you feel more humble, giving you a sense of pride, worth, for being useful in your own way without really asking for any credit! Right from the BMC boys (part of their temp. contract staff – i must say these so called ‘uneducated-lower middleclass’ youth were more raring to go with their support and suggestions while helping us! God bless them! :), BMC employees, the participants of the project (ranging from established professional artists, art students, amateurs, families, non-artists like me, people from different walks of life, the locals, neighbourhood kids, etc) to the BMC authorities, event organizers, media personnel, etc., were extremely enthusiastic and positive about it!
It has to be one of the best independence days i could have ever celebrated! And i can’t really thank enough the organizers n, BMC (for this wonderful joint initiative) and rest of the participants (for their support, coordination, understanding)! All the paintings over 2 days on the wall were so awe-inspiring! Everyone had expressed themselves and how! There was so much to read between the lines!

Jai rightly put it for us “we've all worked hard in the sun to make our city shine!” I feel so happy to read this line, again n again even 2 weeks down the line! and right now I only wish there are more such initiatives in Bombay as well as other places to clean up and give it a face-lift it truly deserves! :)

3. my 5th trek of the year was ‘successfully’ completed on 22nd of this month! yeah am actually keeping a count as i’ve decided to be a little more regular with this favourite pursuit of mine henceforth for assorted reasons! :)

Chanderi (approx. 2300 ft. above sea level, Raigad district) famous for its massive pinnacle (apparently it is 300 feet higher than the cave), is one of the most beautiful, fascinating places to trek in Sahyadris! it happens to be a long trail with a great combination of waterfalls (in monsoon of course) and a dense forest.
18 of us started climbing the hill at about 9.00 am. The route opposite the school in Chincholi (the base village) took us through a bushy slope towards a plateau. In about an hour or so, this well-defined route then further goes in the direction of the col. between Chanderi (on left) & Mhaismal (on right), only after passing a waterfall area or a ‘nalla’. We’d to keep following this ‘nalla’ till the top of the col. Here, it was a rocky landscape n quite slippery too in parts. There are white arrows painted on the rocks at the juncture of ‘nalla’ n path towards the col., if you look carefully (very handy while coming back as there are chances of getting lost in the forest!). Chanderi is quite narrow and long but the col. itself happened to be quite airy & cool. From there, we could get an ample view on both sides of the nearby peaks like Mhaismal, Prabalgad, Matheran, Irshalgad, etc. and continued our ascent after taking left towards the base of the Chanderi pinnacle. This route is over an exposed n reasonably steep ridge. Though i’ve a major phobia of heights since childhood, i still love the climbing part of any trek where - every step of mine takes me towards the top of the mountain and the sky! with every step, i fight my demons! :)

there was a huge cloud cover on both the sides and it was quite windy that day (though not as strong it usually is on top). We’d to traverse along the right side of the base of the pinnacle wall & reach the cave (this entire uphill climb took us about 4 hours). On the way to the cave, there is a water tank on the left side which holds potable water. The cave houses a 'shiva-ling' and is spacious enough to accommodate about 20 or more people for an overnight stay. The pinnacle is huge and only the experts can dare to climb it! Within 5-10 minutes after i made it to the top, the clouds cleared and offered such a fantastic view from the top that i completely forgot i was to hurry up with the lunch and start with the descent soon after - lest it gets dark by the time we reach the base! We started climbing down immediately afterwards and made it to the base in couple of hours. Overall an amazing experience for me though few members of our group found it tough n missed out on reaching the top!!!
and now I am all happy happy and set for another trek this weekend to my all-time favourite destination ‘Matheran’! yippeee!

cheers for many more treks ahead! :)
k

A WEAK WEEK!

2009-08-10T18:35:00.012+05:30

09th Aug’09...10:45 pm

seems like yesterday
when i’d tears in my eyes
while i’d murmured those bye-byes
but today i only wish to say bye bye to those 7 days
of tears, agony, frustration n a sense o’ helplessness,
of being apart, for so long after so long,
of umpteen questions n doubts lingering in my head,
of impatience n insecurities,
of lying low n self-loathing,
of self-imposed house arrest,
of loss of appetite,
of nostalgia,
of mood-swings (it was even more worse due to me PMSing!),
of coming to terms, with missing someone more than i ever thought i would,
of waiting, for the wait to get over!
i’d also like to remind myself that my blogposts will more often talk of hope, positive vibes cos’ i don’t like it much when people (including ‘yours truly’ sometimes) crib, complain, do not appreciate who n what they are blessed with in life n give away negative vibes all the time. period.
coming to the naming of my blog link...a ‘katta’ in local parlance, as far as i know stands for ‘a tiny wall, a kind of a periphery’ but in marathi slang it would mean ‘a place where people meet impromptu, sit, talk, share, idle away their time n grow up’. it continues to exist in almost every corner of Bombay (n one more thing about me, i don’t think i’ll ever come around to calling our city Mumbai!). each neighborhood, college, school or even a lone building has its very own katta where rich, poor, high class, low class, cease to matter n all come together. local in nature, it has a life of its own, a mood of it own, always occupied, always alive..
‘kalyani cha katta’ is where i’d wanna re-live my spirit, my memoirs, my days n things that catch my fancy...
ironic that the very reason i even thought of blogging is on the insistence of my beloved P. “do u blog?” is one of the first few words which he’d uttered to me exactly a year back on 16th Aug’08! so today i’d also remind myself to keep my promise to him i.e., to blog more often, atleast one post a week, if not more. not that i lead a very hi-profile, scandalous life to be covered in details here. oh well, but am sure there are things ‘interesting’ enough happening either in my life or in the world around me to be jotted down. SO READ ON!! ;)

~ love,

countdown to 2011!

2009-08-05T14:18:00.016+05:30

This is definitely not the first time i have said bye-bye to a loved one. It has happened way too many times since childhood that by now i ought to be pretty much used to it or IMMUNE to it. Alas! Everytime someone (i consider myself real close to) goes away somewhere far away from me for a long time or forever, something happens to me, something that I cant really put into words. My world literally falls apart EVERYTIME!! I become 'lifeless'…that feeling of emptiness envelops my entire being n stays on n on n on leaving me numb…
The very first time i felt this way was when i’d to leave my grandpa’s home n come n stay with my parents. Post my sister’s birth, my aai quit working. At all of 5 yrs, i sure was majorly pissed off then!!
Our family shifted couple of times within the huge BARC complex and every time, i had to part ways with all my then bestest friends/neighbours. Then we shifted out of the township for 5 long yrs. On being allotted a bigger accommodation back in BARC, it was time to say goodbyes to my new found best friends n neighbours n cousins all over again!! I cried buckets back then in my 7th grade.
I recollect being very very close to my youngest maternal aunt. Initial yrs of my childhood were spent at my maternal grandparent’s home. When she had decided to get married, it was the toughest for 'me', more than anyone else. There she was wanting to start a new life with some ‘stranger’ and all i (must have been 13 or 14) could think was that she was 'betraying me' n 'leaving me' alone in this mad mad world to be with some ‘stranger’. I despised my uncle for taking her away from me and more than him, i despised her for agreeing to it (i suppose my anti-attending-marriage-functions-feelings come from this phase in my life! ;)
Well i moved on with my life like i always do…we all do, don’t we! Got busy with books, teenage life, academics, friends, satellite TV, Mills n Boons, crushes, blah blah. There was so much more this world had to offer. I kept growing up n growing apart too from a lot of people.
Life got truly shattered when I was in 9th grade. My grandpa passed away due to sickness in his old age. I loved my grandparents the most since i was born. I cant even get around to explain what i went through at that time. The sense of loss was too deep. I think after my mom (n my sister to a certain extent now), nobody has ever loved me as unconditionally like my grandparents did…I STILL MISS THEM…and 3 yrs later, my grandmom followed suit.
Lot of close friends parted ways after 10th, 12th, Graduation. Some took up further studies, shifted homes, jobs, careers, chose to get married, n switched cities, countries. Some close friends even had to take different trains, buses (uh oh..i happen to make friends even while i travel!). Everyone had their own paths to chart in life..including me. Everytime a course got over, a job had to be switched, a regular train had to be changed to a diff. time or route, I was in TEARS. The very idea of not meeting the person ever again filled me with a sense of GLOOM! It still does. I get attached in no time - with people, with places, with surroundings, with things. And when the parting happens, it’s all about the process of detachment - sometimes willingly n sometimes not-so-unwillingly. Such is life, ’it goes on’…
Not sure if I can even call it a relationship now in retrospect, but my pining for my first love lasted for 8 long years. It all started as a friendship, mutual attraction, blah blah n then went on to drag cos’ of my one-sided ever increasing involvement. And finally when he had to move to another city cos’ of his job, it left me with nothing but a tinge of sadness. And i did take some time to get over it but the ‘relationship’ was dead long back i suppose!
People kept coming in n going out of my life while i was ‘growing up’ in age n also in my sense of balance, patience n tolerance, busy slogging out at work most of the time, socializing n exploring places on the side. I managed to keep in touch with most of my loved ones over the time..managed to ‘fall in love’ once again..tried my best to reciprocate someone’s wrongly intended ‘affections’ as well. Am glad i moved on from those 2 relationships though. God ensures you get what you truly deserve in this lifetime. And i continue with my faith intact in him.
Last one year has been eventful in that sense. We shifted home after 18 long years from Anushaktinagar (BARC Township) to Vashi (New Bombay), post my pappa's retirement from the govt. service. All 4 of us go about our mundane routine. We've 'adjusted' well so to say. Been 6 months already but am yet to come to terms with the shift..
In the year gone by, quite a few close friends I lost touch with because of my own stupid, silly insecurities. And quite a lot of people walked into my life either online, when i was travelling, or through common friends.
One such close friend i met exactly a year back, left for his further studies to USA last Sunday (on ‘friendship day’! though i don’t really believe in such a ‘day’…what timing i say!). It has been more than 48 hours since i saw him at the airport turning his back towards all of us without looking into any of our eyes directly. Don’t think i can ever forget that moment, when it finally hit me that he is going ‘away’ from me…somewhere far far away i’ve only heard of, read about n seen in pics or movies…where lot of my other friends, acquaintances also reside, study, work…the so-called land of opportunities! I’d been part of the whole process in a way for last so many months. I was equally driven (if not more) in pursuit of his goal - wishing all good for him all along, being a part of his support system throughout all his preparations for the long visit n stay, giving him that bit of strength when he felt weak or low at times. And today when he has actually landed there, i can’t help but feel drained n that emptiness within (am of course proud of his achievements n very happy for him)…not that i cant live without him. I know i can n i will..i know i should n i would. Anybody who knows me well enough knows that i’ve a very positive n optimistic disposition towards life n its happenings. So this too shall pass…n how soon only time will tell. But right now, am feeling miserable with no appetite for anything. Everything feels incomplete without him…everything…am feeling completely lost n restless! It never ceases to amaze me every time, how a complete stranger comes to mean so much to you in such little time…n manages to leave a void behind! Too many shared moments, too many shared delightful memories over past 12 months…we grew up closer, richer, happier n wiser together through this crucial phase in our respective lives. I can only thank him n god for blessing me with so much love in life. I have absolutely no idea if n when, we would get to see each other again in life. And even when we do, what would it be like! Two years is a long time when you have to wait for someone to come back. We might continue to be there for each other through thick n thin, or we might grow apart. I hope to get busy again with my work, family n coming to terms with a life without my beloved pal next to me…n i pray n hold on to my faith in god that we get back together someday soon with the same warmth n joy we’ve shared always…missing you a lot, my sweetheart! here’s hoping we remain as crazy as ever about each other!
Cheers to our wonderful relationship n cheers to our new separate exciting lives ahead! we gonna make each other mighty proud am sure..see you soon back here!
You bet am already counting down to 2011! ;)
love,
k

“Love is a river, flowing where we know not. The wound is deep, yet the river is wide” - The Wonder Years

i can...

2009-04-29T04:18:00.011+05:30

can i write??
just a lame try
to see if i can..
can i fight??
with the world outside
n the world within..
the turmoil am goin' through
nobody else can sight
nor do i want anyone to pity my plight!
who should decide what is right
for me or for others
n it would only be my might
to undo my scene that has become too tight...
am told there would be light
at the end of this long tunnel
guess it should fill me with delight
push me further to soar like a kite
n scale new heights!
oh, that's exactly what am hoping to do at this very moment tonight! :)

love,
k